<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Better Springs by LadyHeliotrope</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25538179">Better Springs</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyHeliotrope/pseuds/LadyHeliotrope'>LadyHeliotrope</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Love and Other "Snail Mail" Stories [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Age Difference, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Constipation, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Gay Harry Potter, Good Severus Snape, Happy Ending, Hermione Granger is a Good Friend, Hufflepuff Harry Potter, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Marijuana, Mentor Severus Snape, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Ravenclaw Hermione Granger, Recovery, Severus Snape Adopts Harry Potter, Severus Snape Lives, Severus Snape-centric, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Time Travel Fix-It, Underage Smoking, Young Severus Snape, adults doing the right thing in harry potter for once, chubby Hermione Granger, harry doesn't have to deal with horcruxes because an actual adult takes care of business, minor fatphobia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 09:21:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>22,102</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25538179</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyHeliotrope/pseuds/LadyHeliotrope</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“As I said, Mr. Snape, you have two choices: continue your life in 1991 as an 11-year-old, or continue your life as a 38-year-old starting in 1960. What’s it to be, sir?” </p><p>Severus Snape deserves better springtimes than the ones he's had up til now.  He just needs to time travel to get there. </p><p>Told in a series of snapshots of progressive May 2nds from 1991 to 2004</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Severus Snape</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Love and Other "Snail Mail" Stories [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1803445</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>179</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>439</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Hearts &amp; Cauldrons Snail Mail Exchange, Hearts and Cauldrons Discord Members, Severus Snape Lives!</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. May 2nd, 1998</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mersheeple/gifts">Mersheeple</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>May 2</b>
  <b>nd</b>
  <b>, 1998 </b>
</p><p>
  <b>3:39am</b>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The toll-booth keeper was, for better or worse, nonplussed by Severus’ pugilistic attitude. Instead the keeper’s slightly-too-wide grin inched the tiniest bit longer. “I’m sorry you feel that way, sir.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Then, all of a sudden, the keeper’s eyes rolled backwards to reveal total darkness, as if his pupils had to consult some reference book in the back of his head.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>When the keeper spoke again, its voice seemed to take on a deep reverb, as if some large plate of metal was vibrating behind it.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“As I said, Mr. Snape, you have two choices: continue your life in 1991 as an 11-year-old, or continue your life as a 38-year-old starting in 1960. What’s it to be, sir?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Severus, despite his apathy about proceeding through the gate in either case, felt a pressing pain in the back of his head. He had to make a decision.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Basically the question boiled down to: did he want to see </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span> again? And if he did, would he still want to, knowing he would never be able to </span>
  <em>
    <span>have </span>
  </em>
  <span>her in the way he’d once dreamed? (An age difference of 38 years was an insurmountable obstacle in pursuing a relationship. For him, if not for her!) </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>If he’d been asked this question twenty years ago, the answer would have been obvious: he’d want to be as close as possible to Lily, at all costs. If only to seek atonement.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>But two decades wiser, Severus couldn’t help but feel a certain deadness inside when he thought back upon those not-so-halcyon days. What was the point of picking at a scab covering a wound as deep as that?</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Not to mention, he wasn’t particularly keen on figuring out how to navigate all the logistics of being an adult in the 1960s – finding a home, job, car, etc. struck him as absurdly difficult. Plus, he’d have to live through the whole of the Thatcherian era, </span>
  <em>
    <span>again</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>At least partially re-starting life – being the age of 11, in a new time, with possibly a new (or at least different</span>
  <em>
    <span>ish) </span>
  </em>
  <span>family and a new outcome? It’d be as close to a do-over as he ever would get. And it’d be a life without the sight of his first life’s failure dangling in front of his nose all the bloody time, if he played his cards right.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Do I have any choices about </span>
  <em>
    <span>how </span>
  </em>
  <span>I go back?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The blackened sockets just gazed eerily behind Severus.  The pain started to get suddenly worse, and Severus winced in pain.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“1991,” he sneered, “if I </span>
  <em>
    <span>must</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You must, you must!” the toll-booth keeper reaffirmed, its pupils snapping back into position to look at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Severus let out an involuntary scream as the floor suddenly disappeared, and he fell into black nothingness.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. May 2nd, 1991  pt 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>May 2</b>
  <b>nd</b>
  <b>, 1991 </b>
</p><p>
  <b>7:12pm </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Severus opened his eyes and found himself in a below-stairs cupboard. Voices he didn’t recognize sounded outside: a man with a booming loudness and a nasally screechy woman.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He sneezed and took a step backwards, only to end up in a spiderweb. It was dusty in here.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh!” hissed another voice from below him, which made him nearly jump. “I am hoping they’ll forget about me until tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The aroma of meat and potatoes suggested that the hour was nearly suppertime.  </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Aren’t you hungry?” he whispered as the small figure wiggled into a ball. The boy couldn’t have been older than eight or nine, estimating by his size. Severus tried to discern any features, but the only light came from a crack under the door, and the boy sat reclined in shadows.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” the other one hissed back, “but being hungry is better than-“</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>There was a loud stomping of heavy feet approaching the cupboard, and the other boy went silent. After fumbling with the lock, the cupboard door swung open, and Severus finally got a look at his fellow captive – as well as their red-faced captor.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>To Severus’ shock and dismay, the other boy was Harry Potter.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Which meant, by simple process of deduction, this was Vernon Dursley.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Out you come, boy,” Vernon growled, alcohol on his breath and a particular glint in his eye that bespoke malice towards the tiny child.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It was a vision of his own father, and not one Severus had any mind to see recur in this brand new, unsullied 11-year-old life.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>This </span>
  <em>
    <span>couldn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> be Harry Potter’s life. Harry Potter was Albus’ Golden Boy. Surely this </span>
  <em>
    <span>wasn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that?” Vernon asked, lumbering forward and sticking his head through the cupboard door. Severus caught his eye, and in an instinctual legilimentic attack, he saw into Vernon’s mind.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t a pleasant place to be. The man had paper-thin defenses, of shite quality even for a Muggle, and once inside the toxic fumes of Vernon’s poorly-ventilated feelings and emotions were stifling. Volcanic eruptions of anger and rage filled the place, pushed forward by tiny microaggressions experienced by the man on a day to day basis. Severus saw memories of people calling Vernon stupid and ugly behind his back, making him and his unusually large size the butt of jokes at the office, passing him over for promotions he deserved, blaming him for ‘breaking the lift,’ and even throwing away his lunches from the work fridge.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Other painful recent memories also plagued the man: his friends and neighbors whispering about why Petunia was with him, and how horrid and disgusting his child was, “like him.”   </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>These things only echoed the insecurities that resonated deep in Vernon’s core, and all of them fed Vernon’s anger. All of this was just what was floating on the surface of the man’s mind. Severus little doubted there was more, buried deeper where it wasn’t able to be seen without effort.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It was a curious thing. Severus had long wondered what might have laid in his da’s head, given the opportunity to look into the fishbowl of his mind. Now, some of that curiosity was sated.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Aside from all this, there was a searing pain there, too, of magical origin, which was amping everything up to a roaring boil. Severus realized the electric shock of what he privately termed horocruxic poisoning. He recognized it from looking inside Harry during their Occlumency lessons, and looking inside Ginny Weasley after her exposure to Tom Riddle’s diary when she was nonverbal and unable to speak, and the children who had been exposed to that cursed locket, and Arthur Weasley at St. Mungo’s.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It had been a working theory of Severus’, for a while, that Harry was a horcrux, up until he presented his findings to Dumbledore, who confirmed he’d known all along.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>This was just more grist for the mill, apparently. Vernon had been exposed as well.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Well, in any case, the man wouldn’t be exposed any more. Though Severus had his eyes wide open to the fact that he was liable to become symptomatic, too, if he wasn’t careful. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Take my hand,” Severus commanded Harry in a stern </span>
  <em>
    <span>sotto voce</span>
  </em>
  <span>, his stomach turning over once as he heard the watery and pathetic sound of his own boyhood voice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Harry complied, and Severus couldn’t help but feel a pang of disappointment and shame as he noticed Harry’s broken glasses, snapped straight down the middle and held together with a sad combination of tape and wire. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just as Vernon was getting ready to enter the cupboard, Severus closed his eyes and disapparated into thin air. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hopefully this wasn’t a move he was going to regret.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>……… </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. May 2nd, 1991  pt 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>……… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aren’t you at all curious what’s going on?” Severus asked of the boy, who seemed content to hold tight to Severus’ hand and blithely follow wherever the other boy led. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I mean, of course I am,” Harry said, with a level of fascination and trust that seemed like that of a much younger child. It made Severus’ heart break to realize how vulnerable Harry was. </span>
  <em>
    <span>And to be left with the likes of the Dursleys. What </span>
  </em>
  <span>ever </span>
  <em>
    <span>was Dumbledore thinking.</span>
  </em>
  <span>  “But it can’t be any worse than where  I came from, probably.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh child, if you only knew. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Severus just sighed and dragged the other boy onwards from the apparition point. They were outside the Hogwarts grounds, at a small human-sized gate that permitted entry without much fanfare. It was mainly used by the headmaster and groundskeeper, and rarely by other teachers. As such, the passwords were changed very infrequently, according to Dumbledore’s whimsey.  Similar to the Mirror of Erised or Room of Requirement, though, the gate had a magic keyed to the purpose of the person standing outside it. If one sought simply to return home, the gate allowed individuals to enter. If for any other purpose, the gate would remain firm. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Severus cleared his throat and tried one of Dumbledore’s old favorites. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bakewell tart.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The gate opened without ceremony, creaking just enough to allow Harry and Severus entry. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whoa.” Harry’s eyes were round and large behind his oversized glasses. “Does it always do that?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Usually.” Severus began to realize that, perhaps, Harry might not be used to magic. He had, after all, been left to the incompetent devices of Muggles. “Come along.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two of them trekked across the late springtime grass of the grounds, Severus breathing out a sigh of relief as he made a beeline to the administrative offices. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>……………… </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. May 2nd, 1991  pt 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>must </span>
  </em>
  <span>be having me on.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Albus Dumbledore and Minerva McGonagall looked at Severus and Harry disapprovingly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Severus, rolling his eyes, sighed dramatically. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t tell you why, Albus.” The older wizard and witch seemed to purse their lips and fret their brows in unison, until Severus added, “Instead, I must insist you look at my memories.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The curiosity of the old wizard got the best of them both, and soon enough they emerged, astonished and apologetic respectively. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So,” Severus said, sitting down and crossing his legs over. “Here is what I require, in exchange for my silence. For our young Mr. Potter’s sake, I won’t enumerate what’s at stake if you refuse.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dumbledore looked like a first-year on the first day of potions classes, which was rather gratifying. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well?” Severus murmured, shrugging and setting his lips firmly. “Aren’t you going to be writing this down?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Both Minerva and Albus began to rummage, through her pockets and his desk respectively. Standing up and beginning to pace the room, Severus frowned at the familiar old rug - significantly newer and less frayed than he remembered it, of course. (He hadn’t paced on it for twenty years yet.) </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“First,” Severus stated, nose high in the air and feeling his magic begin to swell in his body, “I will be pursuing whatever is required to seek emancipation as a minor. You will both vouch for my capability to care for myself and manage my own affairs independent of a guardian. My parents or otherwise.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think that’s prudent,” McGonagall answered, casting a glare at Albus as the man obviously looked to disagree. “And very fair.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Second,” Severus went on, “As you have learned, the Dark Lord has created horcruxes. I will be seeking your assistance in destroying them, Albus.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“-I’m sorry,” Severus cut off the older wizard firmly, “I didn’t give you clues as to their identities for a </span>
  <em>
    <span>reason</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Albus. You always managed to hold all the cards, in my experience. It doesn’t suit you, though. Not with your </span>
  <em>
    <span>history </span>
  </em>
  <span>with a certain man whose name I won’t mention.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Albus turned visibly green, which meant the old nasty rumor Voldemort told him in confidence, at one time, had some credibility.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I rather thought so.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Minerva was staring steadily at him, brow furrowed but clearly thoughtful. She was expecting some kind of attack as well, but Severus gave her a meager smile. “Don’t fret, Minerva. I’ve never been a threat to you. Though at our last encounter, you were thoroughly convinced otherwise.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> The witch looked discomfited at this observation, but she wasn’t rattled as much as the headmaster of course. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So my third expectation,” Severus went on, “is that I receive custody of our young Mr. Potter, here. Unofficially, of course, given my own presenting age. But on paper, Minerva will be the one given the charge, not you, Albus.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Minerva gave a moue of surprise; Albus shook his head wearily; Harry looked as if he had awoken in some kind of strange dream where he couldn’t tell if it was a nightmare or fantasy.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And where will you live?” Minerva queried, regarding Severus with awe. “Will you attend Hogwarts as a student?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I suppose I must,” Severus said, rolling his eyes. “But perhaps, given certain...accommodations… such as a course of independent study. I have no desire to relive the dramas of childhood education,” he went on, “but obviously not attending Hogwarts is simply out of the question for someone my presenting age. So instead, just put me in a few seventh-year classes and I’ll otherwise stay out of everyone’s hair in a spare teacher’s quarters.”  </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“And for the summers?” prompted Minerva, watching him carefully. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Send a message to Sirius Black. He’s innocent of the charges lodged against him, by the way,” Severus mused, “I suppose you ought to do something about that. Anyway, assuming he consents as he did in my past, Harry and I might live at Grimmauld Place. It will suffice, in the absence of other plans.” Severus didn’t like to suggest it, but he didn’t have a better idea at the moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then, realizing he’d rather come into this with his wand blazing, but not enough information about what was going on in this world, he added, “Assuming that my parent’s home at Spinner’s End is not available.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tobias and Eileen Snape are both dead, Severus,” Dumbledore said, standing up and going to stare out his large window. “I don’t know the state of your childhood home, but I must assume that it was ceded to the Muggle government, given the absence of an heir of their estate.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” He’d never liked the dump anyhow. “Then Grimmauld Place it must be,” Severus snarled, feeling tetchy even at the idea of being shackled to the Black family further. Even though Sirius had no relationship with him in this second life, the memory of the black dog animagus still rubbed him the wrong way.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I will make inquiries,” Dumbledore murmured, not looking at the young boys. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No need for that.” Severus practically leapt up himself at the suggestion. “I will take that upon myself. I know the legal entities involved already. I will testify on his behalf,  if my word will be accepted in the Wizengamot. Though first, of course, I will need your initial assistance in obtaining documentation of my own personhood.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It seems you have thought this all through.” The words, if they’d come from Dumbledore, would have been disingenuous, but Minerva was actually quite sincere. </span>
</p><p>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>Severus just nodded, not mentioning how much of this was extemporaneous and based on pure conjecture that this timeline was not drastically different from the one he’d left behind. In some ways it was validating that he’d been correct. In other ways, it just affirmed to him how little an impact he’d ever made on the world in his first thirty years. Somehow, his absence from this world up to now had made very little difference upon it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still, there was something to be said that Lily and James Potter still had died. At least he could, in good conscience, release all the guilt he’d had on his shoulders for so many years. It didn’t matter if he had been the hands of their extermination the first time round - this second time, Voldemort heard the prophecy some other way, and the outcome was the same.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As if privy to Severus’ thoughts, Dumbledore asked tentatively, “You would defend Sirius Black? Despite what you showed us about his behavior towards you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Reluctantly.” Severus wasn’t surprised that Dumbledore would try and drag out some of the nuances of the situation.</span>
  <em>
    <span> Damn the man and his obsession with psychology. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“Despite our bad blood from the past, I wish to see that justice is served. Peter Pettigrew is the one who broke the Fidelius charm on the Potters, and he is currently masquerading amongst the Weasley family in the form of a pet rat named Scabbers.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I see,” the old man sighed. “Justice is a strange thing, Severus.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This made Severus chortle aloud. “That’s precisely what you said in my own past, when you told me that the Marauders were going unpunished for their attempted murder of me, which would have landed them in Azkaban had there been any </span>
  <em>
    <span>real </span>
  </em>
  <span>justice in the world. So if you don’t mind my saying so, sod off with your </span>
  <em>
    <span>complicated</span>
  </em>
  <span> justice, Albus. I’ll trust the wheezing ineptitude of the whole of the Wizengamot over your private judgments as a solo arbiter.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The room fell into silence as the three more knowledgeable magical people internally reviewed their thoughts. For his part, Harry looked between Severus and the chastened professors. Clearly he appreciated there was something powerful happening, but also knew he was far out of his depths. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, by the way, Mr. Potter,” Severus added smoothly, staring at Harry and keeping his hands in his own lap, “my name is Severus. From now on, I will be your guardian. As such, I will call you Harry. Unless you have another name by which you would prefer to be known?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The young boy shook his head at first, then stopped himself. “Can… can I think about that?” he asked, running a tongue over his lips with thoughtfulness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“Of course.” Severus gave a regal incline of the head, and then stood. “For the moment, I believe some dinner is in order. Have you ever had a pumpkin pasty, Mr. Potter?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The boy shook his head no, and Severus gestured to the door of Albus’ office. “Then let us find our way to the kitchens, and gather what provisions we will find necessary to stock our cupboards for the night.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… I won’t have to sleep in the cupboards, right?” Harry asked, and Minerva’s eyes widened with horror at the timid question. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Never again, Mr. Potter,” Severus answered, marching out of the office. He needed to find himself some robes with a proper flourish, though - his exit wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>quite </span>
  </em>
  <span>as grand as he’d hoped. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>……………… </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Summer 1991</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Surprisingly, the boy was rather brighter than he’d ever seemed in Severus’ first life. Perhaps having a Weasley hanging around just muddled Harry’s brain. Or, Severus thought with a snort, a certain obsequious Muggleborn friend did more harm than good with her homework ‘help.’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After their momentous meeting at Privet Drive, Harry had become Severus’ little shadow. Severus was careful not to let the other boy get too close, both personally and physically. It wasn’t without good reason, of course, Severus explained to Harry logically over dinner that first night. Harry had a horcrux living inside him, and until that horcrux could be extricated safely, the boy would have to live somewhat distantly from others. Severus saw no reason to hide the truth from Harry, who would be dealing with the ramifications of Voldemort’s soul-fragment for the rest of his life. The boy took it well, particularly since Severus endorsed hope for the boy’s future. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was a lie, of course, for Severus to suggest that Harry could survive having the horcrux removed, but old habits died hard. The urge to protect the boy remained, though the whole past life that built these feelings was gone. For the most part, forewarned was forearmed, and aside from this cruel probability, Severus answered all of Harry’s questions without hesitation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Why didn’t anyone tell me before?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>was Harry’s primary stumbling point, and Severus just shrugged. It was a lot to process, and he cursed Dumbledore’s reluctance to do the difficult thing and give the boy honesty from the very beginning. At least, in this second life, Severus got the chance to do this dirty work before the boy became an angsty teenager. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ultimately, the revelations led Harry to trust Severus implicitly, which was a very surprising flip of the coin. Based on their interactions in his first life, Severus expected that Harry would be miserable and moody, and stomp off with anger and rage, blaming the messenger. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But now, Harry was different - respectful, even </span>
  <em>
    <span>admiring</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Even when Severus took precautions that bordered on paranoid, Harry remained unflappable. Severus began teaching Occlumency to Harry immediately, the morning after their first dinner together. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They lived separately in two old teachers’ quarters while at Hogwarts, waiting to take up residency at Grimmauld Place. Harry received a crash course in magical history from Severus in an abandoned classroom every day, and the boy did surprisingly well with the individual tutoring. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a month of legal proceedings, Sirius Black was granted permission to leave Azkaban for the purpose of permitting McGonagall to be the secret-keeper for Grimmauld Place. As part of the agreement, he was granted supervised visitation with Harry on the Hogwarts grounds. Severus abstained from interacting with his former enemy, instead sitting near the school’s great doors with Minerva, watching the shaggy-haired man and the little boy from afar. All in all, this went much more smoothly than Severus could have imagined. That’s what it felt like, he supposed, to have Dumbledore in </span>
  <em>
    <span>his </span>
  </em>
  <span>debt for once, rather than the other way ‘round. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon enough, after a few more weeks of negotiation, Severus was seen before the Wizengamot, and he provided the testimony he promised on Black’s behalf. He also, in a separate suit, filed for emancipation as a minor under the law. This was readily granted, given endorsement from both the headmaster and deputy headmistress of Hogwarts. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>By the beginning of July 1991, Harry and Severus took up residence in Grimmauld Place. Since they had removed themselves from the magical protection of Hogwarts, it became clear that the boy’s nightmares were (at least psychosomatically, to Severus) contagious. As a result, Severus set up a bedroom in the attic that had several magical barriers and wards to prevent any rogue threads from leaching out and impacting Severus’ mind. To prevent the casual transmission of the toxic energies, when he was outside of his room, Severus presented Harry with the uniform of on-duty curse-breakers for daily wear - anti-residual gloves, diamond-eye goggles in an aviator-style leather hat, a healer’s mask, and a dragon-hide apron. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This was a strange outfit, but Harry maintained good spirits nonetheless. He was clearly happier than he’d ever been, and thrilled to be outside the reach of the abusive Durseleys. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Under Severus’ care, Harry got to watch all the telly he could stomach (Severus encouraging this so as to have some </span>
  <em>
    <span>semblance </span>
  </em>
  <span>of privacy, and also on the theory that the boy would be glutted on it soon enough). Once tired of this, Harry made his way into the Grimmauld Place library, where he soon began to spend many pleasant evenings at Severus’ metaphorical feet. Severus was doing research, and when the boy was being particularly obtuse, Severus would set him to search for some obscure reference in a massive tome. Harry would put his future Seeker skills to the task, and he would present his findings with incredible speed. Severus reinforced the good behavior with oodles of treats and attention, same as he might also have offered a prized hound. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Severus did a good job of maintaining emotional distance between himself and the boy, however. He would never allow Harry the satisfaction of true friendship or intimacy. It wasn’t possible for Severus to muster more than aloof kindness for the child of James Potter. And even </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> required great patience. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. September 1991</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>At the beginning of the school year, Severus and Harry took the Hogwarts Express together, and Harry never even had a chance to meet Ronald Weasley. Severus whisked the boy away into the Prefect’s car, where they sat and read together in peace and quiet, preserved by Severus’ contemptuous glares at any that dared question their presence. </p><p> </p><p>Harry was sorted into Hufflepuff, which had caused Severus to smirk. He’d always suspected the boy of having a much bigger heart than a brain - but a heart worth nurturing and growing. Hufflepuff was the place for <em> that </em>, and unlike Gryffindors who tended to see Hufflepuff as the bottom rung of Hogwarts’ achievers, Severus had a deep respect for the neutrality and broadly-distributed warmth of the Badgers. </p><p> </p><p>Severus went through the sorting routine himself, but obviously was sorted into Slytherin. “It’s clear that anything else would be too great a change of your story,” the hat whinged before Severus threw it off unceremoniously. He privately grinned to himself when Ronald Weasley was sorted into Gryffindor, predictably, and was intrigued that Hermione Granger was sorted into Ravenclaw. </p><p> </p><p>It just highlighted how meaningless and arbitrary the houses were, Severus realized with a pang of despondency: if such a small shift as Harry being in a different place on the Hogwarts Express caused this difference, Dumbledore was clearly right. Sorting took place <em> far </em>too soon. </p><p> </p><p>The rest of the year was as boring and mundane as any other year Severus ever lived through at Hogwarts. He attended a few advanced classes to keep up appearances of being some kind of student, did an unprecedented amount of potions work, tutored Harry privately in the library, and took it upon himself to study for a second mastery. Not that he’d earned his first mastery yet in this life, exactly, but he needed to at least challenge his mind somewhat if he was sitting around waiting to age out of Hogwarts. </p><p> </p><p>On the topic of the bushy-haired girl Granger: she’d never gotten the chance to latch onto Harry at Hogwarts. There had been no Troll in the Dungeons to catapult the Golden Trio into heroics.  Instead, Defence Against the Dark Arts was suspended for the year while Dumbledore reconsidered the facts that Severus begrudgingly granted about the past. </p><p> </p><p>As for Harry, he started to drift away from Severus as he began to explore new relationships and friends in Hufflepuff. The all-encompassing warmth of the house was clearly a balm to Harry’s woebegone soul, and he was nourished by all the love despite the precautions he had to take and his odd outfit. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>It helped that he also had Sirius to pick up some of the slack. Mr. Black was in St. Mungo’s hospital to recover his strength and wellness after the decades in Azkaban, and talked to Harry almost every night on an enchanted mirror.</p><p>All of this suited Severus just fine, as the lone wolf of the dungeons never really could find himself interested in Harry or his emotional caretaking. He wasn’t a nurturer. Just providing the essentials to the boy was what he could manage - soil, fertilizer, water, sunlight. Severus effortfully avoided indulging in any kind of paternal streak, acknowledging how feral he was. He couldn’t fill the boy up with happiness. </p><p> </p><p>He didn’t have anything in his own cup worth sharing</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. May 2nd, 1992  pt 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>May 2</b>
  <b>nd</b>
  <b>, 1992 </b>
</p><p>
  <b>8:05pm</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Things began to shift for him one day in the library at Hogwarts. It was late spring, with end of term exams looming on the horizon but not quite soon enough to send the average student into a panic. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Severus, despite his emotional age, was nothing if not an above-average student.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And, well, you know who else also shared that trait. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you... quite all right up there?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Severus turned his gaze towards the ceiling, where Hermione Granger stood on the top of a rickety ladder, a growing stack of books in her arms. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” she mused absently, tucking her lower lip into her mouth as she reached for just one more title...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Predictably it was the last straw for the poor ladder, which wobbled out from beneath her and sent her toppling through the air. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>At least I haven’t had to do this yet for her this year, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Severus grumbled to himself as he threw a netting charm to catch her before hitting the flagstones. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Unfortunately the girl did not evade injury. She screamed as one of her books dropped squarely against her face. Immediately her hand flew up to cover her eye, and she began to cry. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Budge up,” Severus commanded, annoyed but too responsible to walk away. “Let me see.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She tried to take her hand off her face, but replaced it hurriedly. “It...hurts.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>To be honest, it was hard to think of Hermione Granger as a feeble 12-year-old, still so shy and naive. When he last saw her in his old life, she had been a young woman, of age and with a set of hips he didn’t mind the sight of. But here she was, a sweet and sad child. It made Severus’ stomach turn. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But despite it all, he took her hand and pulled it gently from her face. “Oh. That does not look good.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This made Hermione’s sobs immediately louder and she screwed up her face in a petulant imitation of a hungry kitten. “It hurts,” she cried, not arguing as Severus grabbed her hand and raced out of the library, tugging her all the way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>.........</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. May 2nd, 1992  pt 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“No good deed,” Severus muttered under his breath as he closed his book with a snap. “Of course I have to be saddled with this little </span>
  <em>
    <span>girl</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But the sight of the pitiful creature made him think twice about taking out his irritation on her. She had an eyepatch on while her eye healed, and apparently Poppy’s remedy had a side effect of causing terrible vertigo.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just take her back to her common room, Severus,” the healer stated hurriedly, shooing them both out of the wing. “I hope you’ll do your best to help her over the next few days with the stairs.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before he could argue, the hospital wing doors clanged shut, leaving them both bewildered and annoyed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I heard what you said,” Hermione snarled with unexpected fierceness. “I am fine on my own.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She proceeded to fall flat on her face - not because she missed a step, but she mistook a color change in the marble parquet for a stair, and as a result she lost her balance. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whatever,” Severus grumbled, “it’s not too out of the way.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hermione scoffed. “The tower and the dungeons are near each other? This really </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>a magical castle.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There’s no need to be uncivil,” Severus purred, his tone frosty. “I am just trying to get back to the library. I have to retrieve my books.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’ll be closed,” Hermione answered with a grimace. “It’s after nine.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What Madam Pince doesn’t know won’t hurt her.” He offered her his arm, congenial but cautious. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was skeptical and just stared at him in disbelief. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hold it,” he barked with a flare of his nostrils, “before I’m of a mind to hex you for your slowness.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmph.” Disgruntled but no longer holding fast to her stubbornness, she accepted his arm and followed him down and up staircases that would eventually lead them to the library, and then the Ravenclaw common room shortly after that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They got to the library doors, and Severus used the same old teacher’s password that hadn’t been changed in probably a hundred years. </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Lego.  Cogito. Vinco.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The doors opened, and Hermione’s hand flew to her mouth in amazement. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s all?” she asked, looking at Severus with fascination. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>To be honest, he was secretly pleased at the reaction. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t read about it in </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hogwarts, a History</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” he joked, and Hermione’s eyes narrowed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How would you know I read that?” Hermione asked, visibly puffing up like a threatened bantam hen. “We don’t share any classes.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He waved a hand dismissively. “The teachers joke about it. I take advanced classes,” he added in explanation. “They tend to talk about things.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhm.” She didn’t seem to believe him - predictably, he could see her emotions all over her face. But she didn’t probe further until he’d safely retrieved his books and they were headed towards her common room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t in any of the first-year classes at all,” Hermione went on, a thoughtful gleam in her eye as the cogs were whirring in her mind. “I’ve been wondering about you all year, Severus.” </span>
  <span></span><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” He could tell she was amping up for a hypothesis - he recognized the way she sucked in her lower lip. “Other people say inane things about you. Like that you are a vampire. Or that you are the son of some billionaire who got private tutoring before coming here.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He rolled his eyes. Despite everything, the vampire rumors about him never let up. Apparently he had a particular </span>
  <em>
    <span>look</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “Do you believe either of those?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She shrugged, looking at him with a sideways glance. “You don’t dress like a billionaire’s son.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Apt observation.” He rolled his shoulders back, a bit self-conscious of the fact that he was wearing second-hand clothing. Harry’s guardian or not, Severus was a good steward of the boy’s fortune, and had not taken more than was absolutely necessary for the other boy’s tuition and assorted sundries. He had taken out a small amount of petty cash for groceries and such during the summer, and he still had Harry’s allowance of a single galleon a month in his desk drawer, but he had not felt right about using Harry’s money to purchase clothing or personal items for himself, aside from the odd toothbrush or other small item. It was fortunate that he was already in the habit of abstemious living, and had already negotiated the coverage of his tuition, room, and board while at Hogwarts. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had some remote potions contract work lined up, pending passing his mastery boards, which couldn’t come soon enough. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And I think that a vampire would already have a mastery or two under his belt,” Hermione suggested, frowning. “Though that’s assuming you have already been around for a hundred years or so.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was interesting, she’d done her research about him. Not that there was a lot to read up on, of course - what she had learned, she had to have heard from teachers’ conversations. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Also, I have seen you outside the castle, on the grounds,” Hermione went on, and gave a little shake of her head. “You tan.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He grimaced, curious at where she was going with her discussion. “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>burn</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Either way, you didn’t suffer anaphylactic shock, which according to the old fifth year Defence Against the Dark Arts textbook I read, is a critical distinction between the vampire and the </span>
  <em>
    <span>alpen</span>
  </em>
  <span>. And you </span>
  <em>
    <span>cannot</span>
  </em>
  <span>, of course, be an </span>
  <em>
    <span>alp</span>
  </em>
  <span>, because you don’t have the </span>
  <em>
    <span>tarnkappe.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She definitely had been reading well past her year. It was impressive, if somewhat scary. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There are an infinitude of other incubi,” Severus shrugged, curious to know if she had pegged him as some other infernal creature. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hermione looked down, then wobbled on her feet. He held her arm tighter and pulled her closer to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have a shadow,” she pronounced, “and thus are not a </span>
  <em>
    <span>dhampir</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He gave a quiet snort of amusement. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And your eyes are dark brown,” Hermione went on, “not purple or indigo. Thus you are not a </span>
  <em>
    <span>nephilim </span>
  </em>
  <span>or </span>
  <em>
    <span>cambion</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You’re too thin to be a </span>
  <em>
    <span>yashka</span>
  </em>
  <span>. And you’re far too tall to be one of a dozen other magical entities I could name.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At this point, they arrived at the entrance of the Ravenclaw common room. Severus was not in a mood to linger, but he did want to know what on earth she thought of him. “So what </span>
  <em>
    <span>am</span>
  </em>
  <span> I, then?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Human, most likely.” She let go of his arm and approached the knobless door where she proceeded to put her hand on the knocker. “I’m more apt to think that you’re from outside your time. Perhaps a time-turner accident? Or some kind of Dorian-Grey type potion?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“From what might you deduce this?” Severus inquired, swallowing firmly but not letting any answers enter his voice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “Harry Potter in Hufflepuff mentioned that you are his… guardian? And I read about your emancipation court case in the archives. The general contents of the proceedings are sealed, but obviously the final judgments are public.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He racked his brains, trying to think of how she might have thought to look for case materials, and how she might have accessed them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...I thought only teachers and apprentice students were allowed inter-library loans. How did you manage that?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hermione grinned in response, obviously a bit delighted at having impressed him. “By being </span>
  <em>
    <span>nice,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” she answered simply. “Madam Pince swears by the fingerless gloves I made her for Christmas.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So saying, she whispered a password to the brass eagle knocker, which screeched. The door opened, and Hermione raised one hand to wave goodbye to the disconcerted, speechless Severus. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. May 2nd, 1993</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>May 2</b>
  <b>nd</b>
  <b>, 1993 </b>
</p><p>
  <b>5:49pm</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Severus and Hermione sat in the library together, revising for their respective end of year exams. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Or, well, Severus was studying for his second set of boards in two years. Last summer, he’d achieved his potions mastership without having a master sponsor him, which was the first time in all of wizarding history. He was setting himself up to break yet another wizarding record: obtaining two masteries in the span of two years. </span>
  <span></span><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>For this one, which he was slated to complete next summer, was in Herbology, and he was being sponsored in the subject by Pomona Sprout. He’d always had a hankering to complete studies in the subject - it was extremely practical to complement his skillset in potions, of course - but during his previous life he’d never had time. Now he had the time, and Sprout was training him in the practical applications. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hermione was getting distracted from her timetables - a fairly common occurrence these days, since she’d started studying with Severus - and had picked up his book on the cultivation of different variants of dill. It seemed Ravenclaw brought out the best in her - she was less obsessed with accomplishment than when she’d been in Gryffindor, and more interested in knowledge for its own sake. It was a refreshing change, and Severus found her company </span>
  <em>
    <span>tolerable </span>
  </em>
  <span>as a result. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But this book was rather dull, even in Severus’ opinion; it didn’t keep her interest for long, and she laid it down again, careful not to disturb his scrap-paper bookmark. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He felt her eyes on him before she spoke, and he raised both eyebrows at her expectantly. “What is it?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She raised a hand and began to absent-mindedly twirl a lock of her hair around her finger.  “You mind if I ask you a question?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Grumpy but accepting, he shrugged. Their dynamic involved a lot of questions and answers, particularly since Severus had acknowledged (at the end of last school year) that she’d been correct about his identity as being outside of his own time. He hadn’t given her more details, and clearly indicated that she was </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>welcome to ask for them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Severus worried that this query was a prelude to asking </span>
  <em>
    <span>around </span>
  </em>
  <span>those details, though. She’d started to warm up to this strategy lately, which was probably testament to Severus’ Slytherin influence. So it was with resignation he asked, “What?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s a bit more personal.”  This was unsurprising. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He sighed. “I can’t promise I’ll answer, Hermione. If it’s about my past, you know what I’ll say.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s more about your </span>
  <em>
    <span>present</span>
  </em>
  <span>. If you let me ask…?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. There was only so much he could rule out without evidence. “Be my guest.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She seemed to fortify herself with a breath, and she lowered her head. He saw the faint outline of a scar across her cheek, the sole remnant of that rogue encounter with a falling book last year. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You never mention your parents, or family, or anything.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He just stared at her, lips pressed into a thin line. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She squinted in response and then observed, “They’re dead, aren’t they. Long gone.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He set his jaw and gave a stiff nod, the only response he could give. Perhaps it was just puberty starting to kick into his 13-year-old body, but lately he’d been crying at the drop of a hat. He recognized the telltale pangs of tears starting to form behind his lids, and he scowled, slumping forward into his book. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He almost didn’t notice when she asked, so innocent and sweetly, “How old are you </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Severus?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Distracted as he was by trying not to cry, the answer tumbled out of his mouth before he had a chance to block it: “Forty this past January.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She gasped, and he threw down his book with a snarl. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I told you,” he roared (or, well, tried to… his voice cracked), “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>ask me about my past. You won’t like the truth.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then, with an involuntary gasp, he felt the tears rush out, like juice pressed out of a clove of garlic. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He threw his face against the table, trying to put himself together. A surge of feelings came up, and it felt like the end of the world was imminent.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m a fucking wanker. She won’t want to be my friend anymore. I’m a  slimy, greasy creep and she knows it now. And I yelled at her. She’ll be done with me. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey. Hey. Sev.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She sounded apologetic, the moment of surprise over, but he was convinced it was out of pity. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She’ll make nice now, and then this will be the last I ever see of her. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m surprised, that’s all. I had it in my mind you were… in your twenties or something, somehow… but it doesn’t mean anything. Sev?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wanted to scream at her, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t Call Me Sev!!!! </span>
  </em>
  <span>But the simple most effective deterrent was that he wasn’t confident in him being able to control his voice.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… I care about you,” Hermione said softly, and suddenly there was warmth and softness all around him, and a sweet scent like cinnamon rolls. “I’m sorry, that was underhanded of me. I put my own pursuit of knowledge above your feelings. It was mean, and I’m so sorry.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It took him some time to process what she was saying. </span>
  <em>
    <span>She </span>
  </em>
  <span>was apologizing to </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This was confusing, to the point where it made him stop crying. He sat up and felt his face flush, and he patted her shoulder in gentle request to release him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Feeling honey began to surround his heart, he offered in a near-whisper, “No. I’m sorry I yelled at you. You’ve proven remarkable restraint for nearly a year. I appreciate that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She nodded, misty-eyed herself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll do better. I am desperately curious, but I can wait.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He sighed, his heart too full of her unexpected warmth to deny her completely. “I’ll answer one more question.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her entire face lit up. “Really?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He gave her a lopsided smile, feeling that passionate sadness dissipate entirely. “I’m feeling generous.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, thank you!” With that, she hurriedly turned and dug in her bookbag. She emerged with a journal, and on one of the first pages was a list. She crossed off something, and then scanned her finger down the rest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do...yes, this one. Do you miss anything from your previous life?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Severus took a breath and closed his eyes, taking inventory of his mind. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Did </span>
  </em>
  <span>he miss anything? Of course, his old answer would have been </span>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but somehow that memory was so far in his past at this point, Lily almost didn’t mean anything except as a symbol. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As far as other people? He had no one of note from back then that was worth his time now. So that left material things. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He shrugged and gave a soft smile. “Just my book collection.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hermione giggled. “I feel like that isn’t much of an answer.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think it is.” He ran a hand through his hair. “That just tells you how little I had to live for.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hadn’t meant to make it sound so morbid, but Hermione looked deeply pained at the implication. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No- No, I didn’t off myself.” The girl’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>naivete </span>
  </em>
  <span>was annoying. “It just was a miserable existence.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hermione nodded, apparently unsure whether to believe him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t hurt myself, child,” he insisted, instinctively hiding his complicated past suicidal ideation behind an occulmentic shield. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Life </span>
  </em>
  <span>hurt me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She didn’t say anything; she appeared solemn. But they were interrupted by the emergence of Harry Potter and his friend, Beatrice Bogart. They bounced into the library bearing the gifts of snacks. Harry, as usual, wore his heavy-duty horcrux protective gear, but despite this he was cheerful and a trifle mischievous. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Quick, take these,” Harry whispered, sliding a few bags of Honeyduke’s across the table. “How are your studies?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright,” Severus answered, opening the chocolates and sniffing them experimentally. “Thanks, Harry.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, Sev.”  Harry cocked his head at Hermione at this point. “Hermione, you know, I could do something with your hair sometime, if you want.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s real good at it,” Beatrice affirmed, tossing a very bouncy and shiny ponytail in demonstration. “I’m trying to get people to pay him for it. I’m his </span>
  <em>
    <span>model</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s true,” Severus grumbled, despite himself. “You’re good at it, Potter, but don’t let that distract you from your studies.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Harry answered with a smile, and they were all interrupted by the dinner gong resounding throughout the castle. “Come on, I’ll race you, Sev.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I do </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>race,” Severus answered, but not before Harry dashed away. “Damn kid will be the </span>
  <em>
    <span>death </span>
  </em>
  <span>of me,” he snarled to Hermione, standing with his satchel. “Are you coming?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go ahead without me,” Hermione answered, a faraway look in her eyes. “I’ll be down in a minute.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Very well.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They parted then, Severus surprising himself by smiling all the way downstairs. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. May 2nd, 1994</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>content note: implied sexual predation / assault off-screen <br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>May 2nd, 1994</b>
</p><p>
  <b>9:20pm</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want to do something dangerous, Sev.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He grunted and shook his head, then yawned behind his hand. “What did you have in mind, Hermione?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They were in his quarters, since the library was now closed. They sat with the door open on the rug in front of the fire, doing their bookwork on the coffee table, lest any teachers walking past assume the worst. Even though Severus had explicitly decided, at least in his own mind, that Hermione could never be more than a friend, the other adults in the castle would just see two 14-year-olds in imminent danger of blushing at each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>actually make him blush, rather frequently. Having the imagination of an adult man with the raging hormones of a teenager was a dangerous combination. He was grateful for his habitual awkwardness, which he disguised as restraint rather effectively.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Heaven knows what would have happened, if he was a less ethical man.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Indeed, many men in his position would have taken advantage of her companionship. In his case, though, he was content with the little glimmers that made his life sparkle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of them shared little touches here and there, as friends did, and it made him glad to have those. Each time it felt like a gift from the heavens, and he felt deeply nourished every time she laid a hand on his back, their fingers brushed, or they jostled against each other as they walked in the halls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was the small things in life that mattered, he knew now, at long last. He didn’t need anything more than her company and kindness, though at quiet lonesome moments, he craved more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t feel lonely, even though other than her, he didn’t have practically any other friends. The other apprentices gave him a wide berth, seeing him as a prodigy to be feared. And of course the teachers were not exactly chomping at the bit to make friends with a student. So the most logical thing was for him to continue to seek out the company of other students in his general age group. And given how few of them were truly worth his time, that meant Hermione, for as long as she was willing to indulge him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sure, he spent time in the Slytherin common room. The more intelligent Slytherins made nice gestures towards him, recognizing his strange status. But below the surface, Severus knew they were not interested in him as a friend. He would gently graze the forefront of their minds with a whisper of legilimency, and too often he was disappointed at what he picked up. He was feared, somewhat distantly admired, but ultimately people’s fears of him won out. He was too intimidating.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He briefly considered trying to extend his own kindness to try and develop relationships with others in the castle. But honestly, he figured that he was better off without cowards. It was easier to bear the sting of this rejection because at least he had Hermione. Honest to goodness, it didn’t even sting much. Because there was one </span>
  <em>
    <span>quality</span>
  </em>
  <span> person who seemed to genuinely care about him. (Aside from Harry, who had a puppydog like reverence towards him.) Indeed, Hermione’s initial fascination with him had, over the past two years, blossomed into a genuine caring.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was only natural for a man to have these kinds of thoughts about his female companion. The teasing they endured on a weekly basis from other students was enough to suggest the thought to mind.  He always walked her to her classes and studied with her in the library, and after meals he inevitably waited for her at the door of the Great Hall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it didn’t matter what people said. He actually rather liked the occasional teasing. People were so predictable. It was easy to let them believe what they wanted to believe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Plus, when one of the oafs would start their sing-songs, if they were being a little </span>
  <em>
    <span>too </span>
  </em>
  <span>crass, Hermione would  turn bright red while Severus just chuckled smirkingly. It was one of the few moments where he had her at a disadvantage, and it was very amusing to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But now, in response to his question, she looked around, her face squished with thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about we nip out to the pub? You look old enough. I can use Harry’s invisibility cloak.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Severus snorted, and touched a hand to uncomfortably rub against his patchy stubble. He had forgotten how distinctly unpleasant it was to shave at this age. In his own opinion, he definitely did </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>look old enough. “No, thank you. I’ve had quite enough danger in my past.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t asking what </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> wanted,” Hermione whinged. She laughed as he reached over and smacked her shoulder lightly in faux punishment for her silly boorishness.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hated to admit how much he needed her company, but here he was, fourteen going on forty one, and he was obviously besotted. All the old signs emerged rudely from his past, horrifying and fascinating him at once.  The sound of her voice made something inside his stomach yank up like a portkey. When he lent her his scarf out during a Quidditch match, it was with the insidious desire to capture her scent. He recognized the sound of her footfall in an instant - the distinct, muddy sound of Muggle orthopedic shoes clomping sensibly on the hard stone. And any mention of a word that sounded like her name - he’d perk up and tune into the conversation, as keen as a wolf hearing the call of its mate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt ridiculous, and was grateful for the strength of his occulmentic shields. The last thing he needed was for Dumbledore’s twinkling gaze to meet his in the great hall, only to catch a glimpse of his secret passion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Knowing the old wanker, Dumbledore would probably </span>
  <em>
    <span>encourage </span>
  </em>
  <span>the relationship.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what’d you think of my essay?” Hermione went on, standing and stretching prettily. He was reminded of a kitten - she was so sweet and innocent, and seemed not to know how that particular gesture made her breasts rise so temptingly…</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Damn </span>
  </em>
  <span>these hormones!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s acceptable.” He nudged it back in her direction and tried to mentally list the various plants that benefited from use of oyster-shells.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gave him a hard stare, and he did his best to avert her gaze innocently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s damn well near </span>
  <em>
    <span>praise</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Severus Snape. If I dare say it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well…”  He was having a </span>
  <em>
    <span>lot </span>
  </em>
  <span>of trouble formulating critiques of her work this past month. It wasn’t clear what the problem was, because she still wrote like a know-it-all fourteen-year-old, and her work still had the sheen of the enthusiastic amateur. But his brain seemed to get foggy whenever he was looking at her writing. It was subtly different from how he’d remembered seeing it as a teacher - there were unfamiliar variations in her loops, a slightly different slant as it etched across the paper, and even her signature suggested a shift in her personality.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was too subtle for most people to notice, but he rather liked seeing the changes. It suggested that, perhaps, she wasn’t entirely the same girl he’d taught. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course, there was a double-sided edge to this: if </span>
  <em>
    <span>she </span>
  </em>
  <span>wasn’t the same as when he’d watched her grow up the first time, chances were it was because he’d polluted her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, what?” She was staring at him with what could best be described with the adjective </span>
  <em>
    <span>lascivious</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No, Severus acknowledged with a blush, averting his eyes, she didn’t feel like the same age as Harry. He couldn’t explain what had happened. Perhaps it was the extra exposure she had to the world through reading, perhaps it was his own personality rubbing off on her, perhaps it was some alchemical process outside of the realm of magical explanation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Or, perhaps, it was delusion. He was 30 years older than her emotionally. What did he imagine could happen?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well,” he answered, beginning to gather up his books and put them to the side, “Perhaps you’re right. I could do with a change of scene.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excellent.” She seemed ready to go, and with a happy grin, she shoved her own papers into her satchel, where they stuck out of her pockets, topsy-turvy. “Let’s go to Hogsmeade anyway. It’s springtime. I want to be surrounded by falling cherry-blossoms and sloe flowers.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hated the thought - </span>
  <em>
    <span>so much pollen -</span>
  </em>
  <span> but he could not perish the fantasy of watching her smile in the moonlight while he shook a branch above her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” he groused, “though if you are caught and end up in detention, don’t blame me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If </span>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <span>am caught?” she giggled, “and what about </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <span>have never been caught after curfew,” Severus stated primly. To be fair, while he did find it hard to not wander the castle on sleepless nights, he wasn’t liable to be out of bounds without a very good reason.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neither was she, actually, come to think of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No, the girl really was different, without horcruxes to hunt. It was quite interesting to notice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, if I get detention with Filch,” Hermione answered with raised brows, “You’d better come along with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He frowned. If he was honest, he’d probably volunteer to join her for detentions. If only to save her pretty hands from scrubbing cauldrons when he knew the teacher’s cauldron-cleaning spells. “What for?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her answer was accompanied by her leaning in close to him and whispering, close to his ear, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Protection</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He snorted. “Filch is a lech, but he knows better than to…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The words died on his lips as he realized that, what he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>planning </span>
  </em>
  <span>to say, didn’t apply to this reality. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>knew </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>better than to touch a student, when he would have to contend with me.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Hermione frowned and looked at him expectantly. “He didn’t know better with Veronica Koegler. You notice she’s not been around since Christmas hols?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ah. A fifth-year Slytherin girl who Severus remembered distantly. She wasn’t entirely remarkable as a student, but she did have an unusual gullible streak if memory served. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rage began to build in his chest. Oh, yes, the hormones were virulent today.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He didn’t.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Without me to hold him accountable… he probably did.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Veronica Koegler. The memory of the girl began to grow in his mind. Mousy, with large breasts that Filch probably couldn’t resist…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll kill him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a crackle in the fireplace, and he realized that his unintentional magic was beginning to surge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck.” He threw himself flat on the sofa and covered up his face with a pillow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d been too distracted with his obsession with Hermione to remember that there was a potential predator roaming the castle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hated himself so much. One of his own had been harmed, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>he hadn’t even noticed she was gone…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Severus!</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Colors and images were swarming in his mind, and the levies of his occulmentic shields suddenly gave way, permitting a flood of emotions and feelings and magics to wash through his entire body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>SEVERUS.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The fierce flow of energy prostrated him, and he felt as if he were fighting against the wind in a hurricane within his mind. He’d fallen and he couldn’t get up, couldn’t get out of the current…</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“SEVERUS!!!!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>All of a sudden, proverbial oil was thrown upon the raging waters. His panic began to subside, the anger and desire to hurt someone or something began to fade, and then he began to notice the darkness, the dampness of his pillow, the stiffness in his neck, the sweatiness of his balled fists, the crackling of the fire… and her hand stroking his back, running back and forth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d pulled up his jumper so he felt her fingers digging into the thin fabric of his collared shirt. He felt sweaty and disgusting, but couldn’t bring himself to pull away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re okay,” she whispered, and he allowed himself a brief moment of enjoying what she was doing. “You didn’t cause this. It’s not your fault.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He chuckled bitterly at that, but didn’t argue. She didn’t understand, how could she? Instead, his mind filled with a thousand possibilities of other things he might have missed… other little ways he’d protected those who were vulnerable under his care.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What good deeds of his past had he forgotten, blinded by the overwhelming guilt that shrouded everything in darkness?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sat up, though the light of the room was too bright for him, so he kept his eyes closed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” he whispered, trying to push through the despair that threatened to engulf him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, Sev.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hesitantly removed her hand and pulled his jumper down, then patted him softly upon his upper back. “You’re okay. It isn’t your fault.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took a breath and tried to smile. “Thank you.” And he meant it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He found himself filled with gratitude at the simple gesture, almost to the point of tears. “You are… very nice to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded, and gently wrapped her arms around him. “You are loved, Sev. You truly are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The words sounded through his mind with intensity. He nodded, and heard himself announce out loud, “You are, too, Hermione.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. May 2nd, 1995</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>May 2nd, 1995</p><p>8:00am</p><p> </p><p>They’d fallen asleep on his floor. Or rather, <em>she’d </em>fallen asleep on his floor. <em>He’d </em>not fallen completely into slumber before he realized what was happening. He picked her up and deposited her into his bed, took off her shoes and jumper, and then tucked her in with tender ministrations that would have made Molly Weasley proud. </p><p> </p><p><em>Then </em>he had proceeded to lay down on the rug, wrap a throw blanket around him, and slip into somnolence. </p><p> </p><p>Now, he had been laying awake for half an hour, listening to her pretty little snores and gazing out the window. </p><p> </p><p>They were both fifteen now, wrapping up their fourth year, and he marveled at the way Mercury seemed to be carrying him through his school experience. </p><p> </p><p>He had already attained two masteries during his tenure in the school, and now was halfway through his third. It seemed almost trite at this point, but he had to do <em>something </em>with his time. Dumbledore had just shaken his head and shrugged when Severus offered to teach. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Just as your memories taught me things about myself that I didn’t want to know, Severus, they also taught me things I didn’t want to know about you. You can achieve ten mastery degrees; I don’t care. You don’t have the temperament to be a teacher. That is final.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>It stung more than Severus thought it would, to be told this. Honestly, he felt slighted by Dumbledore. The other man never did anything that was distinctly uncivil, but there was always a distance and frigidity when they interacted. Dumbledore seemed to look at Severus as a terrifying plaything, whereas Severus just wanted to have a life worth living, and didn’t give a damn if it inconvenienced Albus or not. </p><p> </p><p>Instead, Dumbledore seemed to have taken Severus’ magnificent tirade of 1991 as a deeply personal affront. Then again, in fact, Severus would probably take the same stance to a boy who showed up out of the clear blue sky confessing to murdering him in some other lifetime. </p><p> </p><p>But all of this was immaterial. Severus ran through his mind methodically, checking each part of it to see that all was in order. Old things were carefully locked away, but more recent memories were displayed as trophies on the mantelpiece of his mind’s modest living-room. </p><p> </p><p>He reflected on these proudly, a half-smile twisting his lips. Most of these involved Hermione, to his chagrin, but a couple also involved Harry. The boy was really starting to flourish and come into his own, despite the uncertain fate hanging over him. </p><p> </p><p>Hermione stirred on his bed, and he quickly ceased his woolgathering.</p><p> </p><p>“Hullo,” he intoned, thankful to have a better grasp on his voice now that he was older. </p><p> </p><p>Hermione blinked at him and grumbled, then turned over. Her messy hair got caught under her chin, and he chuckled as she batted unsuccessfully at it. </p><p> </p><p>She huffed, then sat up, glaring daggers at him. </p><p> </p><p>“You woke me up,” she whinged, rubbing her eyes crossly. </p><p> </p><p>“How?” Severus was genuinely surprised. “I didn’t even get up.” </p><p> </p><p>“You’re <em>thinking </em>too loud.” </p><p> </p><p>This made him chuckle, but Hermione seemed perfectly serious. He revised his reaction to one of more neutrality. “What do you mean?” </p><p> </p><p>She rolled her eyes. “It’s probably a side-effect of the arithmetic equations I’ve been doing lately. Professor Sinistra mentioned that it’d be possible to have some ‘perspicuities.’” </p><p> </p><p>Severus shook his head. “Arithmancy never made much sense to me,” he murmured, fretting about what she might have borne witness to in his mind. “Perhaps I’m too concrete.” </p><p> </p><p>“Stop that,” she answered him, waving a hand at him. </p><p> </p><p>He looked at her in a question. </p><p> </p><p>She seemed extremely pensive, and a bit sad. “Severus. I never would judge your memories. You don’t have to worry about what I might or might not pick up upon. I would think you would know me better than that.”</p><p> </p><p>He felt incredibly vulnerable in that moment. Legilimency was simple - Occulmency was simple. Honestly he didn’t know much about arithmancy, and he certainly didn’t know much about how it could involve mind-reading. </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t worry,” Hermione went on, noticing apparently his subconscious worries about his past subterfuge and how it could have been all for naught, had an arithmancer been present in Voldemort’s court.  “It has limited utility. Mostly it is relevant to arithmancers and their closest companions. It isn’t a generalizeable skill that I can turn on at will with the general population.”   </p><p> </p><p>“Hm.” He wondered what he might have learned about if, during his past life, he’d spent more time with Aurora Sinistra. Perhaps they might have developed such a closeness… </p><p> </p><p>Oh, but how <em>could </em>it possibly compare to this? </p><p> </p><p>He was suddenly overcome by a sudden desire to kiss her, and he instinctively averted his gaze. </p><p> </p><p>But he was not fast enough - he caught the startled look in her eyes, and he felt like the world’s densest dunderhead. </p><p> </p><p>“Let’s go get breakfast,” she said quickly, throwing the bedclothes off her and practically throwing herself in the general direction of the loo. “I’ll just be a moment.” </p><p> </p><p>He tried not to think anything else, instead just sinking back flat on the floor to stare at the blank ceiling. Despite this neutral stimulus, it took longer than it should have to get his heart rate back to normal. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. May 2nd, 1996</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>May 2nd, 1996</p><p>12:00am </p><p> </p><p>“Sev?” </p><p> </p><p>Harry had dragged Severus up to the astronomy tower for a midnight gaze. It wasn’t completely out of the ordinary for this invitation to be extended, though Severus rarely indulged. The same old boundaries still existed between them, after all - and Severus did his best to cultivate them.  </p><p> </p><p>But now all the horcruxes other than Harry had been destroyed, Severus felt somewhat less concerned about stacking up more bricks on the walls. Harry was beginning to be tall enough to peek over them, but as far as Severus was concerned, he didn’t mind overmuch. Anything to keep the boy’s curiosity from kindling further, so he wouldn’t sneak over the wall when Severus wasn’t looking. </p><p> </p><p>That, and Hermione was indisposed with one of her highly painful menstrual cycles. Poly-cystic ovarian syndrome was what she called it; her mother had it, and her grandmother had it, and now she had it. Fortunately Severus had the resources to give her a hard-hitting pain potion the likes of which Poppy Pomfrey would strongly disapprove. The only issue was that it knocked the girl out cold for a day or two; Severus had left her asleep on his bed with a remote monitoring spell in place so that at the slightest change of her blood pressure or oxygen levels, he’d be alerted in an instant. </p><p> </p><p>So, Sev didn’t really have a great excuse to turn Harry down when the younger boy asked for a quiet word in the astronomy tower. </p><p> </p><p>“How are you, Harry?” he asked, keeping his tone casual but interested. “Everything alright?” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, it’s alright,” Harry murmured, spreading out his cloak on the ground and seating himself upon it. He gestured for Severus to join him there, and the other boy reluctantly sank down alongside. </p><p> </p><p>“No issues with your allowance?” </p><p> </p><p>Harry shook his head. “I’ve got plenty, Sev.” </p><p> </p><p>Severus ransacked his brains, trying to puzzle what Harry’s need might be. “Are you having problems with your godfather?” </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, no.” Harry sighed. “He’s still the same old self-interested prat, but I’m at peace with that. I don’t know what my parents ever saw in him.”</p><p><em>You and me both, Potter</em>. </p><p> </p><p>“What about…” Severus paused, then shrugged. “Is it something to do with your grades, boy? Because I don’t give a rat’s arse.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know, I know,” Harry droned in response, “I sink or swim on my own merits, I don’t get any special treatment just because I’m the ‘Boy Who Lived,’ etcetera. Trust me, I know your whole speech by now, Sev.”</p><p> </p><p>Severus just raised an eyebrow. “Good. Then what is the matter, Harry?” </p><p> </p><p>It still felt strange to call the boy by his first name, even after years of the chosen habit. Much less to hear Severus’ own name coming so casually from Harry’s lips. </p><p> </p><p>Harry sighed with exasperation. “I don’t have any issues for you to fix, Sev. I just…” </p><p> </p><p>The pause fell loudly, like a penny on a marble floor. Severus, in his endless patience, waited for Harry to fill the space. Predictably, the boy did.  </p><p> </p><p>“...I just want to spend time with you. Is that so wrong?” </p><p> </p><p>This was definitely not any of the things Severus expected to hear tonight from the other boy.  </p><p> </p><p>“It isn’t wrong,” he acknowledged slowly, feeling his skin prickle like he was walking into a trap.  “I care about you, Harry. You can talk to me any time you want.” </p><p> </p><p>“It’s not just about <em>talking </em>though,” Harry murmured, sounding dissatisfied. “I just…” He sighed, and it sounded as if he was deeply troubled. Severus waited, though his anxiety began to increase moment by moment. </p><p> </p><p>“...Sev, do you <em>love</em> me?” </p><p> </p><p>Severus was definitely taken aback by the question. “What is behind your question?” he dodged, feeling his pulse quicken in terror. </p><p> </p><p>This was why he never wanted to be a father. There was too much… soft stuff… required of the role. </p><p> </p><p>“I…”  But the answer perished on Harry’s lips as, instead, the younger boy crumpled into a sadness that was far too familiar to Severus. </p><p> </p><p>“Shhh, shhh,” Severus murmured, trying to be comforting but feeling grossly inadequate to the task. “You’re alright, boy. You’re alright.” </p><p> </p><p>He put a kindly hand on Harry’s spine and the other boy shivered, succumbing even more deeply to sobbing. </p><p> </p><p>They sat there for perhaps a quarter hour in solemn silence, Severus keeping a hand on Harry’s shoulder and trying to quell his own discomfort at this whole conversation. </p><p> </p><p>He’d thought they’d had an understanding - he’d thought the boundaries between them would protect him from this kind of mush. But here Harry was, feeling strongly about things, and Severus didn’t have the answers the boy wanted. </p><p> </p><p>Finally, Harry seemed to have more of a hold on himself, and he sat up, rubbing his nose disgustingly on his jumper sleeve. </p><p> </p><p>“Ugh. Sorry,” he apologized softly, taking deep breaths. “I know this isn’t really your area, Sev. But I can’t just sit around and not <em>say </em>anything at all. It’s too heavy.” </p><p> </p><p>“Then share the load, Harry.” Severus leaned back against the wall, gazing up at the large ethereal moon above.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s just… so much.” Harry rested next to him in a careful, creaky gesture that made the sixteen-year-old look so much older than he was. </p><p> </p><p>“Take your time.” Severus hated to leave Hermione too much longer, but Harry was his primary responsibility. As long as he had no excuse to dash off, he had to accept his fate. He just hoped it would be swift and painless. </p><p> </p><p>Harry gulped in the air deeply, then began to rummage in his pockets. Severus wasn’t surprised to see the boy remove a lighter, but was a bit flummoxed at the thick joint the other boy offered. </p><p> </p><p>“Want some?” </p><p> </p><p>Severus chuckled and accepted the toke. “Harry Pothead,” he joked as he exhaled, trying to break the tension. </p><p> </p><p>Harry laughed, nervous. “Just when I’m really stressed, Sev. You should try it. It takes the edge off.” </p><p> </p><p>“Are you saying I’m… stressed, as you put it?” Severus asked, feeling strangely vulnerable. </p><p>“I mean,” Harry said with thought, taking the joint back and puffing it heartily, “if the stick up your bum fits.” </p><p> </p><p>Severus was grateful for the THC beginning to flow in his system - it was far easier to take the ribbing when slightly addled. </p><p> </p><p>Hm. Perhaps the boy had a point. </p><p> </p><p>“So surely,” Severus drawled, accepting another hit with a gracious nod of the head, “You didn’t lure me up here to discuss proctology.” </p><p> </p><p>Harry snorted. “Gods, no. Sorry. I mean. Fuck.” The Boy Who Lived flushed, and even in the silver of the moonlight, Sev could tell. “I just… I have a confession, and it’s been eating me alive for months. I just… I’m nervous.” </p><p> </p><p>“You don’t say.” </p><p> </p><p>This last comment seemed to make Harry a little uncomfortable. </p><p> </p><p>“You know, Sev,” Harry grumbled, “most people are able to have a simple conversation about their feelings without resorting to sarcasm as a defense mechanism.” </p><p> </p><p>“In your house,” Severus responded, his tone cool and collected. </p><p> </p><p>“Urgh. Fine. Never mind.” With that, Harry made a gesture to stand, but wobbled. Severus grabbed him by the sleeve and pulled Harry down again. </p><p> </p><p>“Please. I apologize. Tell me what’s on your mind, and I’ll endeavor to act more… ‘Puffy.” </p><p> </p><p>This made Harry cackle with a sudden improvement of mood. “Okay. Damn. You’re a right arsehole sometimes, you know.” </p><p><br/>“So I’ve been told.” </p><p> </p><p>Harry laughed a little uproariously at this, then calmed himself with another take on the joint. “Makes me wonder why I’m in love with you.” </p><p> </p><p>The words fell with a clatter onto the stones, and Severus immediately pointed his nose towards the heavens, seeking guidance from who knows who. </p><p> </p><p>“Harry.” Severus took a deep breath, then two, then three. “I… honor what you’ve shared with me. Thank you for telling me.” </p><p> </p><p>The other boy’s face began to assume a pinched expression. “But you don’t reciprocate the feelings.” </p><p> </p><p>“No. I’m sorry.” </p><p> </p><p>Several beats passed. Severus began to try and formulate excuses, arguments, lies. Nothing would do but the truth, however. As he began to try and accept this, and as he began to try and formulate his plan of attack, Harry changed the subject abruptly. </p><p> </p><p>“That’s what I expected, honestly.” He sounded bleak, and as if this had much broader implications than the results of a crush. “So there’s no one that would really mind, then, if I wasn’t around anymore.” </p><p> </p><p>Instantly on alert, Severus sat up straight and rounded on the other boy. “What are you saying, Harry?” he asked menacingly, daring the other boy to utter a <em>single word </em>maligning himself and his self-worth. He hadn’t put in this much effort over the course of <em>two lifetimes </em>to see Harry suicidal. </p><p> </p><p>“I think… I think I finally figured out the one thing you couldn’t tell me,” Harry murmured, and there were silent tears rushing down his cheeks. “No, don’t deny it - there was always something you were holding back from me, Severus. It’s only recently it dawned on me.</p><p> </p><p>“In order for Voldemort to exit my body... in order for the world to truly be safe from him, for good...<em>I have to die</em>. There is no hope for me. I have no choice.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck.” The word escaped Severus’ lips before he lowered his head into his own hands. “Fuck, fuck. Harry, I didn’t expect you to… I didn’t want you to…” </p><p> </p><p>“I know you didn’t.” Harry rubbed his face with his jumper again. “You’ve done your best for me, Sev. I know that. I know you never had enough to give me, but you always did your best. I appreciate that, and I wish I had the chance to grow up and have the kind of life you’ve wanted for me.” </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t… don’t say that.” Despite himself, Severus was beginning to cry, too. It was excruciating, somehow, to see the way the poor other boy had come to this realization all on his own. Far too early. “You can still finish your education. You could still-” </p><p> </p><p>“-could still what, Sev?”  Harry chuckled mirthlessly. “Have a family, only to have to sacrifice myself and have them lose me? Have friends, only to have them attend my funeral? Buy a house? Get a job? Where is the cutoff point, Sev? When do I stop waiting for this… <em>entity </em>inside me to just fade away?” </p><p> </p><p>The boy was starting to get hysterical, Severus could tell. “Let’s get inside, boy,” he murmured, standing up and helping the other boy onto his feet. “You’ll stay with me tonight.” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, right,” Harry said angrily, “with your <em>girlfriend</em>.” </p><p> </p><p>“She’s not my girlfriend,” Severus answered, his voice quiet and sad. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, come off it, you daft bint,” Harry slurred with a snarl. “You… you’re wrapped around her little finger. Don’t play coy with me. I know things.” </p><p> </p><p>“Fine.” Severus shrugged, and picked up the invisibility cloak to wrap around them. “But be <em>quiet</em>, would you? I wouldn’t like to get detention with Dr. Funke.” </p><p> </p><p>“He’s such an improvement over Argus Filch, though,” Harry chuckled, and hiccupped. “Talking about our <em>feelings</em> over tea and biscuits isn’t much of a detention. Not when we could be...I dunno… wandering the Forbidden Forest searching for potions ingredients.” </p><p> </p><p>Severus nodded grimly. Argus Filch had made an abrupt departure from Hogwarts last May, only leaving a note and a forwarding address of a Glasgow post-office box. </p><p> </p><p>Not that it mattered one whit. Unbound by politics and the complicated web of connections that tainted his former life, Severus did as he had fantasized for decades, and dispatched the nasty bugger. </p><p> </p><p>Hermione hadn’t said anything to him about the suspiciously-timed matter, though he knew from legilimentic whispers that she suspected his involvement. </p><p> </p><p>While not a permanent replacement, Dr Funke was a breath of fresh air. He was an American squib psychiatrist who was spending a year in England working as a janitor, for unexplained reasons. At least he had a sweet and caring disposition, and rather enjoyed giving detentions to wayward youths in his frilly pink office. </p><p> </p><p>Still, a detention was a detention, and Severus wanted to avoid the loss of an evening spent with Hermione, even for a few short hours. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m <em>so </em>glad you <em>feel</em> that way, Potter.”  </p><p> </p><p>Observing the bile rising in his throat, but still keeping his cool, Severus led them both to the teacher’s wing. </p><p> </p><p>There, Harry collapsed on the divan, and Severus sat with him for a while, patting his shoulders in reassurance.</p><p> </p><p>Soon the other boy was blissfully snoring, and Severus took up his usual place on the floor of the bedroom, where Hermione slept in his bed.</p><p> </p><p>He couldn’t sleep though, and instead lay awake, his mind racing. </p><p> </p><p>Hermione’s hand dangled over the edge of the bed.</p><p> </p><p>He focused on it for several minutes, admiring the curve of the fingers and the gentle cup her palm made in the air. </p><p> </p><p>And, in a moment of reprehensible weakness, Severus reached up and held it. </p><p> </p><p>The smooth skin of her palm felt like silk to his touch, and almost as if he were being electrocuted, he felt an overwhelming tingling sensation rush through his veins. </p><p> </p><p>“Love you, Hermione,” he whispered, despite everything in his rational mind telling him not to.</p><p> </p><p>But while his so-called girlfriend seemed oblivious to these words, Severus felt a sense of pleasure, comfort, and safety flow from his head to his toes. And so satisfied, he fell asleep there, exhaustion pressing his eyes firmly closed. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. May 2nd, 1997</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>May 2nd, 1997</p><p>1:23am</p><p>“Sev?”</p><p>He was mostly asleep but startled awake in an instant. It was unlikely he would ever be a deep sleeper, even in a body that had never been taxed so strenuously as his old one.</p><p>He took a deep breath. These days she was looking far more womanly than he ever remembered her being in his past life. Unlike he recalled from the times she had spent with a constant diet of stress and overwork, her body at age 17 in this lifetime was full and plump, round in all the right places and a little more besides.</p><p>She looked absolutely delectable to his brittle old bones, a symbol of undisturbed happiness and contentment. The softness under her chin, the lazy way she unfurled from the sofa after a long Saturday of reading, and the little smiles she sent him across the room that sent his heart spinning… it was her at her happiest. There was nothing to distract her from her books: no demons to chase, no boys demanding too much from her, no nasty potions Professor to make her insecure.</p><p>It was galling to see her blossom so openly beneath his nose. In the past, he had pushed her so far, and she had been integral to the saving of the wizarding world. But here she didn’t need to do that. She had never become involved in a war, and would never need to do so.</p><p>She could be relaxed, and engage more thoughtfully and mindfully in her learning, and become even more of an intellectual powerhouse. It was rather at the risk of becoming an even more insufferable know-it-all, too, but Severus was a glutton for such a punishment.</p><p>As long as she remained his friend, he could imagine little better.</p><p>So it was with a warm, kind voice he responded, “Hermione?”</p><p>She sighed. “May I ask you a personal question?”</p><p>He shrugged though she could not see it. “I cannot promise to answer, of course.”</p><p>“As usual.” He could hear the eye roll in her voice. “Have you decided if you even are going to be here for seventh year?”</p><p>He had been talking with her about the possibility of just skipping seventh year. He was about to complete a third mastery, this one in Runes, and he was already bored of the exercise. There were already plenty of possibilities on the table for him - Lucius Malfoy’s companies had openings, and because Harry and Draco had become an item last summer, Severus had been able to make introductions to the key stakeholders of various Malfoy enterprises. Turns out, losing direct access to Lucius in this second life wasn’t entirely the great obstacle he’d expected.</p><p>Also there were less emotional entanglements than the first time round, which was a small blessing.</p><p>“I have work ready for me,” he murmured, nervous to admit he was thinking about leaving her to her own devices.</p><p>She gave a slow exhale, sounding disappointed.</p><p>“What do you think of that?” he added, desperate to know what she wanted.</p><p>There was a beat, then two. Then she said something he couldn’t catch.</p><p>“What was that?” He breathed with intentional slowness, trying not to sound so obviously hung-up on her.</p><p>“I don’t want you to quit early,” she confessed, her voice right and a little higher pitched than usual; it sounded like she was about to cry. “I want you here with me.”</p><p>There was a twisting in his gut that made him almost need to toss his dinner. Not from disgust - of course not! - but from fear.</p><p>Hermione was attached to him. While he hasn’t closed his mind to the probability, to some extent he had the unwavering belief that she could take or leave him. He wasn’t any prize as a friend or potential lover, and certainly he was less good than she deserved.</p><p>“And why is that, exactly?” The words came out of their own volition - he was desperate for answers, but also knew he might not be satisfied with the response  she gave him.</p><p>She almost whimpered as she observed, “I think I love you, Sev.”</p><p>His mind went blank for a moment, then he realized that this pronouncement filled him with terror.</p><p>“I understand,” he said softly, trying not to let the pain color his voice. “Then in that case, I <em>absolutely</em> must leave, Hermione.”</p><p>“...What?”</p><p>She sat up in bed with a start and stared down at him. He felt the heat of her glare, even in the dark.</p><p> </p><p>This wasn’t a conversation he’d ever wanted to have with her, and he knew this would be a make-it-or-break-it moment in their relationship. Either she would see it his way, and he’d be validated in his estimation of her maturity… or she would insist on her own way, and prove she was too juvenile for him to take seriously.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She was waiting for him to explain himself, and he groaned aloud.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you want to have this conversation <em>now</em>?” he asked, praying she would be at least somewhat willing to defer until breakfast.</p><p> </p><p>“I couldn’t sleep not knowing what’s going to happen,” Hermione admitted, and the tension in his belly sprung up afresh, more potent and terrifying than ever. He imagined himself being on the edge of a rocky cliff, staring into a misty unknown.</p><p> </p><p>He had to jump, for there was nowhere else to go, but he had no idea if there was a safe landing ahead of him.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine.” He also sat up, but he needed to be closer to her. “Budge over.”</p><p> </p><p>This was the first time he’d ever made such a request, to sit with her in bed. She didn’t tell him anything, but moved to accommodate him.</p><p> </p><p>“So,  look.” He tried to not sound as nervous as he felt. She had her arms crossed, and he could feel her still glowering.</p><p> </p><p>This was not starting off well.</p><p> </p><p>“Hermione,” he offered, his insides wringing themselves out of fluid, “You are my greatest friend. I treasure our companionship more than you ever could know.”</p><p> </p><p>She snorted. “I see. That’s all, though. I’m your <em>friend</em>. And that’s the end of it.”</p><p> </p><p>This was going completely spiraling out of control. “I…I can’t deny that’s all I ever have expected of you, Hermione.”</p><p> </p><p>She chuckled, an unusual bitterness in her voice. “Okay then. Glad we’ve established <em>that</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Severus began to feel panic rising up his throat. “Please don’t misunderstand me, Hermione.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I <em>understand</em>.”   The uncharacteristic snarl wounded him, and he extended his hand to touch her own.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think you do.” </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She gave an abrupt bark of laughter. “You’re into <em>boys</em>, aren’t you. I didn’t want to believe it. I could have sworn you looked at me…Well anyway, it doesn’t matter.”</p><p> </p><p>“You misunderstand, Hermione.”  The thought that he’d given himself away with some unsubtle gawping pained him beyond words, and confused him. How could he make her see? “I’m not interested in boys.”</p><p> </p><p>“What, then, Snape?”  Her use of his last name was dreadfully hurtful, and calculatedly so. “What then are you <em>interested </em>in? What do you jerk off to in the wee hours, when you think I’m asleep?”</p><p> </p><p>His face colored red. Shite, shite, and triple shite. He wasn’t quite the master observer of her sleep cycles that he’d flattered himself to be. Tears of humiliation began to prickle in the corners of his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“You weren’t meant to know that,” he whispered, knowing that the end of their friendship was in sight. “I deeply regret having made you uncomfortable.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, sod off.” Hermione’s anger was raging, and he felt like the most miserable wanker alive.</p><p> </p><p>He was surprised she hadn’t already stormed off, but that was still liable to happen.</p><p> </p><p><em>Maybe I’ll get another re-do,</em> he thought with dark humor. <em>Next time I’ll get to seventh year before I fuck it all up.</em></p><p> </p><p>So it deeply confused him when, of a sudden, she extinguished the fuse of her ire with a resounding sigh.</p><p> </p><p>“Sev,” she went on, clearly struggling to maintain her equilibrium, “I wasn’t <em>uncomfortable. </em>I was <em>flattered</em>, if not…somewhat… voyeuristic.”</p><p> </p><p>The idea of Hermione Granger being intrigued by his nocturnal sexual habits? This astonished him, and he pinched the bridge of his nose in an attempt to focus. He did not need to be distracted.</p><p> </p><p>“I did not expect that,” he muttered, processing and trying to find the thread of his thoughts again. “So, Hermione. I won’t insult your intelligence with lies.”</p><p> </p><p>She sneered. “You’d best not.”</p><p> </p><p>“By the same token,” Severus said, “I don’t think it will do you any favors to know what kinds of things float through the mind of a hormonal teenage boy as he services his needs.”</p><p> </p><p>The prudish way he described his sexual behavior made Hermione laugh at least.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine, then,” she said, “Though I object on the grounds that I’ve told you my own personal desires, I will acknowledge that the finer details might be more than my poor feminine heart can handle.”</p><p> </p><p>This made <em>him </em>snort; they’d had many conversations about Hermione’s own lack of interest in parading the rites of femininity.</p><p>“I won’t deny a reciprocal interest in…you,” Severus mused, unable to utter more specific words than this. She seemed to hear him, and she sucked in her breath with anticipation for what was to follow.</p><p>He knew that his next words were disappointing to her.  “But Hermione, please know that I cannot, in good conscience, take those feelings to their logical next steps. At least not yet.”</p><p> </p><p>He could practically hear her mind churning with questions. Then, with a labored breath, she answered, “Because you’re forty-four, and I’m seventeen.”</p><p> </p><p>“Correct.”  </p><p> </p><p>This resulted in her giving him a huff of annoyance. “Seventeen is of age, though, Sev.”</p><p> </p><p>“Doesn’t matter.”  He’d run through these objectives a thousand times in his head. “You haven’t had the opportunity to live your own life yet, Hermione. You haven’t had the chance to be exposed to things outside of these walls. You haven’t had the chance to know any other companion or closeness, and I would not be able to live with myself should I rob you of that opportunity.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well,” Hermione glowered, re-engaging in the fight now that she saw a glimmer of opportunity to win. “What if I don’t <em>want </em>the opportunity?”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re getting it whether you want it or not,” Severus stated, firm and immovable on the point, “and that is final.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s not <em>fair</em>.” Hermione crossed her arms even tighter against him. “You’re sounding like my father.”</p><p> </p><p>“And that,” Severus said, his voice as smooth as butter, “is <em>exactly </em>why I must insist on your maturation.”  He felt old as he said the words, and hated himself. What ever had he been thinking, imagining that this radiant young thing would ever legitimately find an interest in him, “In addition,” he continued, digging his hole resignedly deeper, “One could argue that I’ve groomed you. Positive associations reinforcing physical attraction, all that rot.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’d be horrid,” Hermione acknowledged, but laughed. The sound made his heart skip several beats, as it was wont to do, and he began to mourn the idea that he might not ever hear her laugh again. “But you certainly have done nothing of the sort, Sev.”</p><p> </p><p>“Others might not see it as being so… innocent.”</p><p> </p><p>Hermione’s interest was piqued, and she asked, “You mean, like Professors Dumbledore or McGonagall?” </p><p> </p><p>He nodded. “They are aware of my… special situation.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah.” She sighed, and her chin sank to her chest with sadness.</p><p> </p><p>“It would morally irresponsible for me to let you… indulge your infatuation, Granger. Becoming romantically entangled with me is a future possibility,” he continued, feeling his hands beginning to shake as he vocalized these deepest innermost dreams, “But time and space must come first, before I can truly be assured of your ability to make an unbiased decision.” </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“How cruel of you<em>,” </em>she murmured, and then her lips went silent.</p><p> </p><p>He waited for her to process, and it was a long stretch of time. Finally, though, she uttered, “How many years would be necessary, Severus, for you to be with me?”</p><p> </p><p>He shrugged. “I’m not entirely sure there’s a particular number that would be unequivocally correct, but-”</p><p> </p><p>She interrupted, “-A year?”</p><p> </p><p>This earned an unintentional scoff on his part. “That’s not very long, my dear Hermione.”</p><p> </p><p>She frowned, fretting and calculating. “Would you say ten years would be too few?”</p><p> </p><p>This made him sigh. “Again, I don’t know that it’s about <em>years. </em>But I would be much more comfortable with that kind of distance from the present moment.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hm.” Now she was in problem-solving mode, and it was a delight to hear how carefully she was considering this. “Still, since it’s a concrete metric… would seven years be too few?”</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s say that, at a minimum,” Severus agreed, “but primarily my hope is that you will have accumulated a great many more life experiences. I don’t want to see you sit in an ivory tower awaiting me.”</p><p> </p><p>Not that he believed she would be interested in him after such a reasonable interval. There were plenty of more interesting, charismatic, handsome, intelligent, and charming people in the world than him - the majority of those without the kind of hang-ups Severus had.</p><p> </p><p>“How about we set the minimum number of novel experiences?” Hermione said with a firm voice. “I work best with goals that are measurable.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fine.” Severus paused, and murmured, “What number of Life Experiences would you suggest?”</p><p> </p><p>“One hundred.”</p><p> </p><p>He breathed in and out. “Provided these are… truly significant experiences. Not one hundred books, for example. I know you could accomplish <em>that </em>in about a week.”</p><p> </p><p>She laughed at that, and that twist of the knife went even deeper when she thoughtfully asked, “But… Sev, what if… you find someone else, during that time?”</p><p> </p><p>This was a question he hadn’t expected, the idea being so completely ridiculous to him.</p><p> </p><p>“Hermione Granger,” he breathed, trying not to let his voice betray him too much, “I don’t give my loyalty or admiration lightly.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I know,” Hermione said with a slightly dangerous sauciness, “but if <em>I </em>could fall for someone other than you, in the intervening years, then why couldn’t <em>you</em>?”</p><p> </p><p>This made his blood boil, and in an instant, he stood up and stared her down.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t ask me again,” he hissed, and then in a fit of passion, he reached up and grabbed a curtain-ring from the bed. With his wand, he transfigured the iron and made it smaller and smaller, until it was a perfect size for one of her fingers. With a flourish, he presented it to her.</p><p> </p><p>He repeated this action again, and slid the second ring upon his own finger.</p><p> </p><p>“This represents a promise, to you, Hermione Granger.” His tone was silken but deadly, and the girl stared at him with wide eyes. “When and if you are ready,” he said, “I will be yours, and I will never be another’s. I swear this on my life.”</p><p> </p><p>Overcome by emotion with his pronouncement, she stood and threw herself around him.</p><p> </p><p>“Then wait and see, Severus Snape,” she whispered into his ear, “In seven years and a hundred experiences, I will also be yours.”</p><p> </p><p>Her lips gently pressed into his jawline then, and with  a groan, he allowed her to pull him down onto the bed.</p><p> </p><p>He wasn’t going to let her attain a Life Experience tonight, but they could sample a taste of what might be in their futures.</p><p> </p><p>Just a taste, though.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. May 2nd, 1998</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>May 2nd, 1998  (Version 2.0)</p><p>6:30pm</p><p> </p><p>Severus was sitting in a pub in Hogsmeade, glancing at his watch. It was a Saturday night, and his stomach was twisted into the kinds of knots a sailor couldn’t undo.</p><p> </p><p>He hadn’t seen her since the Christmas hols, when she’d come to Grimmauld Place for Harry’s Christmas Party. She’d looked even more radiant and beautiful than he remembered, and she was still wearing the ring he’d given her, though it was on a chain around her neck.</p><p> </p><p>While she was rather on the plumper side than most might find conventionally attractive, the eyes of most men followed her around the room.</p><p> </p><p>Well, most of the <em>heterosexual </em>men at the party, anyway.</p><p> </p><p>Harry and Draco were in fine spirits, popping champagne for their guests and laughing at the antics of Susan Bones’ kid brothers. Sirius Black chased Cedric Diggory with a carving-knife, to Cho Chang’s nervous laughter. Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks snogged messily in a corner - some things didn’t change much!</p><p> </p><p>And to his unending delight, Hermione came and sat right next to Severus, and she timidly kissed him by his ear. He turned awfully red at that, and had to excuse himself to the lavatory before giving her a present.</p><p> </p><p>All in all, it had been the nicest Christmas party Severus remembered in his whole history.  And since, as was their custom for the first semester of Hermione’s final year at Hogwarts, they’d exchanged letters at a rate of around one per week.</p><p> </p><p>She always was asking to see him, but he kept putting her off. His reasons were always fair, but never true.  It wouldn’t do, to tell her he wanted to maintain distance while also occupying as much of her time as he could every weekend. In order to make sure she actually made the most of their time apart, he didn’t allow himself to indulge in meeting up with her.</p><p> </p><p>At least, not until her last letter, when she told him she’d finally gotten one of her first Life Experiences of note, and she wanted to tell him about it in person.</p><p> </p><p>Now, he was anxiously awaiting her at one of the half-dozen Hogsmeade pubs, and  nervous as a rabbit about it.</p><p> </p><p>“Mr. Snape?”</p><p> </p><p>His head spun around, and his eyes met Hermione’s. They were dancing with laughter, and she sauntered over to him with the sashay only achievable by  a buxom barmaid.</p><p> </p><p>Indeed, she was carrying a serving-tray, and she tucked it under her arm as she plopped into a chair opposite him.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s a fine night for a drink, isn’t it?” she said with a grin, and leaned forward to give him a decent view of cleavage. Her off-the-shoulder peasant-style dress was precisely right for her figure and employment, and doubtless won her many tips.</p><p> </p><p>“Flitwick lets his favorite horse out of the stable?” he smirked, finally taking a sip of his elven wine.</p><p> </p><p>She snorted. “It was easy to convince him once he saw this get-up.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fair enough,” Severus drawled, and as she extended her hand to him, he kissed it adoringly. “Such a beauty would be hard to refuse.”</p><p> </p><p>To his great relief, she was still wearing his ring on a chain around her neck. The glittering way she looked at him reassured him far more than the simple jewelry, however.</p><p> </p><p>“So,” Severus breathed, letting go of her fingers with reluctance, “this is your Life Experience <em>numerus unus</em>? Employment?”</p><p> </p><p>“And hopefully this one will lead to many more,” Hermione answered, her voice sweeter than he even remembered. “I have a <em>list, </em>as you might imagine.”</p><p> </p><p>“Indeed.” He was grateful she was taking the task of acquiring Life Experiences seriously, not trying to speed through for the sake of their agreement. “You look ravishing,” he added, not sure what else to say. A flush began to creep up his cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t look so bad yourself,” she answered, appearing amused at his discomfort.</p><p> </p><p>“Granger!” she heard a shrill bark from the bar, “Quit your lollygagging and move your arse! Table 3 needs their chips!”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, Madam Higgins,” Hermione answered, standing up. Then, with a kindly glance towards Severus, she explained, “I’m still on shift until seven. Sit and stay awhile?”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course,” he smiled, and contentedly got out his notebook to sketch out some plans for work. There was something inspiring about being so near to his lovely girl, even as she flirted and smiled at other patrons. He felt like he had a secret that no other man could touch. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. May 2nd, 1999</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>May 2nd, 1999</p><p>11:03pm</p><p> </p><p>They walked along the darkened Diagon Alley together, licking their Fortescue’s and enjoying the silence.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve missed you,” Hermione said, pausing under a streetlight. Her face seemed fresh and full, but sad. “I wish you’d let me see you more often.” </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He shrugged, and kept walking. Talking was too hard sometimes, when the conversation started to turn towards these kinds of subjects.</p><p> </p><p>“I must confess,” Hermione went on, forging ahead like the once-Gryffindor she had in her blood, “I find myself… rather lonely, Sev.”</p><p> </p><p>He nodded, not sure how to respond.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, in a rush, he felt her sweep up from behind and pin him against the wall. Her breathing was labored, and there was fire in her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure we have to do this?” she asked, dangerous and soft. “I <em>want </em>you, Sev. I can’t stand being without you.”</p><p> </p><p>This broke his heart into a thousand tiny pieces. Why, oh why, did he have to make life so difficult for himself? She’d been out of school for a year. She’d been working, making her own living, and being independent.</p><p> </p><p>But the truth of the matter was: she was still infatuated with him. Despite everything he’d done to try and dissuade her, she wasn’t able to let go of her obsession.</p><p> </p><p>He couldn’t just accept her blithely, untested, as she was. It would be… <em>irresponsible</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Hermione Granger,” he breathed, feeling a shiver run down his spine as her hand planted itself at his waist. “I need you to go fall in love with someone else.”</p><p> </p><p>She looked stricken at that, and stepped back from him to see if he was serious.</p><p> </p><p>“You must be joking,” she stated, swallowing hard. “I couldn’t. I don’t want to.”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t have to want to,” Severus said, feeling the sting behind his eyes. “Just try.”</p><p> </p><p>His solemnity made the argument on his behalf, however, and with a snarl, she turned on her heel and stalked away from him.</p><p> </p><p>“Bloody <em>bastard</em>,” she heard her curse as she disapparated.</p><p> </p><p>He threw away his ice cream after that, feeling sick to his stomach and blackened with despair. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. May 2nd, 2000</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>May 2nd, 2000</p><p>7:30pm</p><p> </p><p>He absolutely <em>detested </em>these after-work-hours soirees, but what could one do. Working for the Malfoys meant that certain standards <em>must </em>be kept, no matter what line of profession one was in.</p><p> </p><p>Still, there was no reason he couldn’t get horribly, disgustingly, boorishly drunk and glare at everyone until he had been furnished with undisturbed peace. This was what his colleagues tended to expect of him by now, so what did it matter?</p><p> </p><p>Hermione had not written him a single letter for a year now, since that dreadful conversation with the nasty ending.  Nor had he seen her in person, of course.</p><p> </p><p>This was what he wanted, he had to remind himself. He needed to be out of sight, out of mind. If he loved her, he needed to let her go.</p><p> </p><p>Right?</p><p> </p><p>It didn’t mean he had to like it, however. So he’d succumbed to the sweet solitude of his work, and when work required him to show up for anything resembling something festive, he’d tolerate it with the aid of liquid courage.</p><p> </p><p>All in all, he’d <em>nearly </em>forgotten that today was the woebegone anniversary of his new start. Up until he was forcefully reminded by his colleagues that the annual Employee Benefit was this evening, strategically positioned adjacent to May Day.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t intend to attend, but was roped into it by his assistant, Barnaby Wilkes, who had a sly smile and a begging face that was difficult to refuse.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t let me drink alone, Snape,” Wilkes encouraged, sidling up to Severus as he glowered at the general population.</p><p> </p><p>“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Severus drawled, accepting the offered shot of firewhiskey and downing it with a sigh. “Where’s your fiancee?”</p><p> </p><p>“At home, with the baby.” Wilkes grimaced and pouted. “I rather think my darling Henry likes <em>her</em> more than he likes me.” </p><p> </p><p>Severus snorted. “That’s the nature of progeny, or so I hear.” He shook his head, and snatched another shot from a passing waiter’s tray. It was down his throat in one fell swoop. “Hopefully Henry will be more appreciative of his better half once the baby’s teething.”</p><p> </p><p>“He’d better be,” Wilkes grumbled, glaring at Severus for his selfishness. “Damn registry. I have half a mind to sue them for throwing off our plans for a June wedding. We were told it would be <em>at least </em>a year and a half before our names would crop up. Who would have thought we’d be cradling our bundle of joy in three <em>months</em>?”</p><p> </p><p>Severus tutted sympathetically, but was disinterested in the blathering of his assistant. It filled the silence well, which he appreciated due to not having anything of note to discuss outside of work-related topics, but Wilkes had repeated the same diatribe several times already this week at the lab, and it was getting tiresome.</p><p> </p><p>He saw another tray, and he grabbed at the shots on it, but with his near-drunkenness his balance was a bit off, so instead he grabbed at the physical tray instead of the drinks upon it.</p><p> </p><p>This resulted in the tray tumbling down, the shots falling every which way in a mess of sparkling crystal and sticky liquor.</p><p> </p><p>The waitress was clearly annoyed, and she bent down to clean up the broken glass.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Severus drawled, crouching down next to her, “I’ve had a bit one over the eight.”</p><p> </p><p>Then his heart froze, as he looked into Hermione Granger’s eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“Bloody hell,” she groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose and looking extremely harried. “Severus.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hullo.” He felt three times more awkward than before, and he stood up straight. “How are you?”</p><p> </p><p>It felt like he was greeting a stranger. She’d lost a lot of weight, and had assumed a look much more resembling the Hermione Granger he remembered from his previous lifetime - there was a hauntedness in her eyes, a forlornness in her posture, and a tightness in her shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>She also now wore glasses and had straightened her hair, which altogether with everything else made her look entirely like a different person.</p><p> </p><p>“Working,” she answered, sounding heartbroken and indifferent. “And you’re getting right pissed.”</p><p> </p><p>“I… yes.” His hand was balled tight into a fist, and he tried not to sway. The blood was all rushing to his head. His cheeks were flushing, and he almost felt like crying at the suddenness of this encounter.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you enjoying life without me?” Hermione asked, a wry smile suggesting that she knew he wasn’t.</p><p> </p><p>“I thought you were working at the ministry?” he answered stumblingly, dodging the question by pretending to be drunker than he was.</p><p> </p><p>“I do,” Hermione groaned, and she stood up again. “I do this at night.”</p><p> </p><p>“You… do that.”</p><p> </p><p>She grimaced. “Get yourself some coffee, Snape.”</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t know what else to say, but before he could formulate anything else, she had disappeared into the crowd again.</p><p> </p><p>“What was that about?” he heard Wilkes asking at his arm, and he shrugged, trying to see where she’d gone.</p><p> </p><p>But the moment of distraction meant he’d lost her completely. To his simultaneous relief and dismay, he didn’t see her again that night.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. May 2nd, 2001</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>May 2nd, 2001</p><p>1:33 pm</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t expect to see her on his routine St. Mungo’s rounds, but he caught sight of her ducking into the lav of the third floor.</p><p> </p><p>Notably, the <em>men’s </em>lav.</p><p> </p><p>His heartbeat ticking forward several times, he inconspicuously opened the door, pushing it in just enough to get a glimpse of what was happening inside.</p><p> </p><p>It was not altogether surprising to see her there, with her top unbuttoned and her lips on someone else’s neck. This was, after all, what often occurred in men’s lavs.</p><p> </p><p>What <em>did </em>surprise him was the amount of hurt he still felt, despite not being surprised at what was happening.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Terry</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>He proceeded to realize that the man she was romancing was none other than Terry Boot.</p><p> </p><p>Had she <em>really </em>been unable to find someone more suitable than this simpleton?</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, <em>yes, </em>Terry! Yes, <em>yes…”  </em></p><p> </p><p>He didn’t need to see any more, nor did he want to, so he slowly crept away back to his on-site lab.</p><p> </p><p>Despite everything, he despaired. Especially as he reflected back on the memory later, and recalled that she decidedly <em>wasn’t </em>wearing the chain and ring around her neck anymore.</p><p> </p><p>He had lost her. For good and for all. And now there wasn’t anything else worth living for.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. May 2nd, 2002</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>May 2nd, 2002</p><p>10:32am</p><p> </p><p>The sunlight was too bright, and he snarled at it, feeling as miserable as he had in the years right after Lily’s death.  He tried to go back to sleep, but the warmth was too intense, so he got up, stomping angrily and not caring if Mrs. Wigglesworth downstairs would bang her broom on her ceiling in response. Nothing seemed to matter much anymore.</p><p> </p><p>He was taking a sabbatical from working. This, plus a year of weekly counseling, was <em>mandatory </em>as per his boss, who was less than impressed at Severus’ slump in productivity over the past year. At least he was being paid at 50% while he “got some sun” and did some research abroad.</p><p> </p><p>He’d be going back to Madrid on Monday next, but in the meantime Severus was doing his best to avoid drinking. The habit had gotten excessive since his seeing Hermione in the hospital last year, and resulted in some batches of expensive brews going horribly wrong.</p><p> </p><p>It was difficult, but he had to get his shite together and stop mellowing out his sadness with liquor. Not that he had much motivation to do so, of course.   His counselor seemed to be unendingly optimistic on his behalf, but surely her own patience would wear thin after witnessing a few more cycles of depression.</p><p> </p><p>There was a rapping on the window that shook him out of his hungover haze, and he cautiously padded to the kitchen.</p><p> </p><p>He was surprised to see an owl, impatient and bouncing for a treat.</p><p> </p><p>He took the letter and paid the owl its dues, though the snacks he had by the window were a bit stale. The owl seemed displeased and dispatched itself with a huff, leaving Severus with a familiar handwriting that, at its sight, made his hand begin shaking.</p><p> </p><p><em>Fuck</em>. It was Hermione. What did she want? Surely this was a howler. He was long overdue for one, in his own opinion.</p><p> </p><p>He was surprised and relieved to see that the letter was a normal one - though an extremely long parchment.</p><p> </p><p>There was no introduction, no closing, and no context. It was just a list, numbered meticulously from one to one-hundred, and her signature at the bottom.</p><p>Severus read it and felt pangs of regret and loss as he realized how clearly her Life Experiences mapped up with his own encounters with her over the years.  </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The 100 +1 Life Experiences of Hermione Jean Granger</em>
</p><p> </p><ul>
<li><em>First Job - at The Hoarse Hodeller in Hogsmeade, beginning April 20, 1998</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First paycheck - May 1st, 1998 </em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First shot of Firewhiskey - May 2nd, 1998 (with Severus at Hoarse Hodeller after shift)</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time having food poisoning (thanks Mick and Chip’s… never again…)  May 18th 1998</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First Kiss (not Severus) - Draco Malfoy, as a party dare, June 14th, 1998</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First Female Kiss - Cho Chang, as a party dare, June 14th 1998</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>Hogwarts Graduation - June 15th, 1998</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>Started Working at Ministry of Magic - June 30th, 1998</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First Supervision Session with Lodelia Gentles - July 12, 1998</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time renting my own flat - August 15, 1998</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time having friends over to my own flat - August 21, 1998</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First Work Party - August 30th, 1998</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First Sick Day  - September 3rd, 1998</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First Cavity Identified - September 3rd, 1998</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First Magical Dentist Visit - September 3rd, 1998</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time paying electric bill  - September 15th, 1998 </em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time celebrating my birthday alone - September 19th 1998 </em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First vehicle purchase - car  September 30th, 1998 </em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First “Mental Health” day - October 9th, 1998 </em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time going to visit Harry’s parents with him at Godric’s Hollow - October 31st 1998 </em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First GYN exam - November 12th 1998</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time handled conflict with boss without losing my composure - November 18th 1998</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time I didn’t see Severus during the Christmas hols - December 1998</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First vacation by myself  - December 1998</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time going to France  - December 1998</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time taking a class at The Sorbonne  - December 1998</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time staying at a hostel  - December 1998</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time visiting Belgium  - December 1998</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time visiting The Netherlands  - December 1998</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time trying marijuana  - December 1998</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time hiring a prostitute (we had tea and biscuits thank you very much)   - December 1998</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time winning praise from Lodelia - January 15th, 1999 </em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time submitting a grant application independently - January 30th, 1999 </em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time catching a supervisor making a bald-faced lie  - February 1999</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time winning a grant  - March 22nd, 1999</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time sorting out taxes - April 12th, 1999 </em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time asking for a raise at one’s job (and failing) - April 30th 1999 </em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time crying at work  - April 30th 1999</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time I stopped talking to Severus - May 2nd, 1999</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time getting absolutely fucking pissed at home and crying over a boy (this means YOU, Sev.)  May 2nd 1999</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First blind date - May 5th 1999</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First regular pre-arranged date with a man - May 15th, 1999 </em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time going to the gym - May 16th, 1999</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time exercising so much one throws up - May 19th, 1999 </em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First fuck (Pimple-faced boy at bar... ) - May 30th, 1999</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time staying up for 24 hours straight - June 2nd 1999 </em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time getting stung by a bee - July 31st, 1999</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time working a 60 hour week - August 1999</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time camping all by myself - September 1999</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time going to the Riviera for the winter holidays - December 1999 </em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time I yelled at my boss - January 2000</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time I typed a formal letter on a computer - January 2000</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time I made an email address - January 2000</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time submitting my resume to companies online - January 2000 </em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time I skipped work because I couldn’t bear the idea of dealing with Lodelia - February 14th 2000</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time I gave myself bangs (this was a tragic mistake). - March 2000</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time I dyed my hair (this wasn’t quite so tragic) - March 2000</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time having my hair professionally straightened - April 2000</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time having two jobs at once - April 2000</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time I yelled at my parents and told them to sod off  - June 3rd 2000</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First visit to a shrink - June 10th 2000</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time falling asleep at my desk  - June 30th, 2000</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time I asked Draco for a favor despite my ethical misgivings - June 30th, 2000</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time quitting a job  - July 8th 2000</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time benefitting from having Friends In High Places - July 2000</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time moving flats all by my fucking self - July 2000</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time having a job where I’m paid commensurate with my merit - July 2000</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time going into an adult shop - August 2000</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time I joined an internet forum (and MET TERRY!!!!)  - August 2000</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time I fell in love (w/Terry) - September 2000</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time having more than 1000 galleons in bank account - October 30th, 2000</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time going polka dancing (w/Terry) - November 15th 2000</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time going on an aeroplane - December 2000</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time visiting the United States (Hawaii) - December 2000</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time jumping off a cliff into a body of water for fun - December 2000</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time going on a roller-coaster alone - December 2000</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time going swimming in the ocean - December 2000</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time going snorkelling - December 2000</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time hosting a dinner-party (ELEGANTLY) - January 18th 2001 </em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time I had oral (w/Terry)  - January 21st 2001</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time I gave oral (w/Terry) - January 21st 2001 </em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time I ever called in sick to work because I wanted to fuck instead - January 22nd 2001 </em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time having High Tea at the Ritz-Carlton w/Terry - February 14th 2001  </em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time I was tickled by a partner (w/Terry) March 2001</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time not killing a windowsill plant in a week - March 2001 </em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time shagging in a broom closet (w/Terry)  April 2001</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time attending a hen-do (Ginny and Luna’s wedding)  May 2001 </em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time attending a classical music concert (w/Terry)  May 2001</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time shagging in a bathroom (w/Terry)  May 2001</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time trying an ice cream that had liquor in it (rum raisin. EXCELLENT).  June 2001 </em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time visiting another country (Italy) with a romantic partner - June 2001</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time turning down a marriage proposal - June 2001</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time going on a walking tour of the country  - August 2001</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time eating Haggis (never again…)  August 2001</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time visiting the Minister of Magic himself to discuss counter-terrorism efforts (Kingsley Shacklebolt) - September 12 2001</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time purchasing a beautiful and expensive pottery set from Poland  - September 19 2001 </em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time having a normal period for once, probably due to stress - October 2001</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time purchasing something off the television (I have no regrets)  - October 2001</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time egging someone’s house (FUCK YOU LODELIA) - November 5th 2001 </em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time baking a loaf of bread successfully (April 2002)</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>First time sending my list to Severus (May 2nd 2002) </em></li>
</ul><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>After reading the list, Severus put down the parchment and began to outright sob. It was the combination of being hungover, having all this pent-up loneliness and despair, and having the tiniest glimpse of hope for his future. </p><p> </p><p>And, surprising to him: there was pride.  She’d taken to life with such gusto and purposefulness. She’d accomplished so much already, and he was sure that this enumerated list was a mere sample of what she had done in the time they had been separated. She’d suffered pain, and grief, and loneliness, and despair, and joy, and gone around full circle a couple times through those feelings. </p><p> </p><p>She was becoming an adult, and it made him sigh with relief. No more was he worried about her being infatuated. </p><p> </p><p>But, the question was, would she be interested in him at all, now that she had more life behind her? What was the intent of sending this list, at this time? What was she saying? </p><p> </p><p>It took him about fifteen minutes to gather his composure to write his response. But respond he did, with as much warmth and caring as he could muster.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. May 2nd, 2003</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>May 2nd, 2003</p><p>12:04pm</p><p> </p><p>They lunched together with Harry and Draco at a posh restaurant in central London. </p><p> </p><p>“To the end of Voldemort,” Severus toasted, holding his soda (sans alcohol) aloft. </p><p> </p><p>“To the end!” exclaimed the rest, and they all drank together. </p><p> </p><p>It was strange to see Harry without his curse-breaker's attire. The boy's face looked so different from the way Severus remembered from his first life - particularly with the way Harry had grown a scraggly attempt of a beard. </p><p> </p><p>“I can’t believe you’re with us, still,” Severus murmured with awe, unrepentantly smirking at Harry and Draco while Hermione placed a hand on his knee beneath the table. “I didn’t believe it was possible.” </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t give us that false modesty,” Draco responded smoothly, winking at Severus. “It was you and Hermione that figured out how to eliminate the horcrux, leaving just my darling husband.” </p><p> </p><p>“Well, two heads are better than one,” Harry said, then realized the double-entendre and snorted out his bloody mary. “Fuck, sorry. Fuck fuck. Dammit.” </p><p> </p><p>“Let me get that for you, my sweet,” Draco murmured, and waved his wand covertly over the table to leave the linen spotless. “There we are.”  </p><p> </p><p>He pressed a gentle, tender kiss on Harry's nose, clearly over the moon to be able to kiss his beloved without the pane of warded glass between them. </p><p> </p><p>“So anyway,” Harry went on, keeping one hand on his nose as he tried to recover from the acids in his nostrils, “When are you two planning to tie the knot, anyhow?” </p><p> </p><p>This made Severus blush profusely, and he tried to say something coherent, but merely stammered, “I, uh…” </p><p> </p><p>“I was thinking next May,” Hermione answered on his behalf, a little quirk of a smile on her face. “If you think I’ve been corrupted enough by the real world, Sev.” </p><p> </p><p>“I…” He did a quick survey of the others at the table, and gulped visibly. “Woman, you better not have just proposed to me.” </p><p> </p><p>“Well, how long was I supposed to wait?” Hermione demanded, grinning from ear to ear. “Another seven years, Severus Snape?” </p><p> </p><p>Harry and Draco were intrigued, of course. “What’s this about...seven years?” Draco asked, astonished and puzzled. </p><p> </p><p>“That’s none of your concern,” snapped Snape, and he remained a stolid bulwark on the topic for the rest of the lunch. </p><p> </p><p>This wasn’t helped by Hermione’s cheerful poking and prodding of him in… less than appropriate places. </p><p> </p><p>“Be careful with me, witch,” he growled at her after pulling her into the lav for a quick tete-en-tete. “You’re trifling with me, and it isn’t acceptable.” </p><p> </p><p>She just rolled her eyes and kissed him wholly on the lips. “You mean, you’re <em>not </em>interested in exploring my dungeons, Sev?” </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t tempt me,” he beseeched her, though his whimper belied his undisclosed desire. “I may not be able to wait until our wedding night, Hermione.” </p><p> </p><p>“Now that’s a concern,” Hermione whispered, sinking to the floor and unzipping his trousers. “I’ll keep you out of danger from plundering my treasures, my love. Never you fear.” </p><p> </p><p>It was a loophole, a technicality, and a caveat, one that she exploited mercilessly from this moment to every future opportunity.  <em>Merlin</em>, was he ever grateful for Terry Boot and the wonderful things he’d taught this woman. </p><p>Both to give, and to receive. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I got impatient so I posted 8 chapters at once. Sorry not sorry 😐 </p><p>Last chapter: any final questions you have for the happy couple? Any final loose ends you notice I forgot about and need to see tied up? Give me your comments and I will give you answers!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. May 4th, 2004</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>May 4th, 2004</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>2:25pm</strong>
</p><p>Severus took a long, slow sip from the<em> pina colada </em>and handed it back to his smirking wife.</p><p> </p><p>“Too sweet,” he murmured, though with deft fingers he stole her maraschino cherry and tossed it into his own mouth.</p><p> </p><p>“Bastard,” she responded, licking her lips and putting the drink back on their little table.</p><p> </p><p>“Takes one to know one,” he responded playfully, and he leaned over to press a kiss on her cheek.</p><p> </p><p>They were reclining beneath a straw umbrella on the <em>Playa</em> <em>De Muro</em> beach at Mallorca. Severus was covered from head to toe in a wetsuit, with a large straw hat and sunglasses besides. He swallowed another gulp of his <em>Cerveza Mediterranea, </em>then pulled his glasses down to observe Hermione. She was applying her hourly dose of sun cream, and she gave him a wicked grin as he watched her hands move up and down, spreading it from her shoulders to her wrists.</p><p> </p><p>“I maintain that my burn prevention strategy is better,” Severus scoffed, not bothering to hide his smirk. “Less work. More efficient.”</p><p> </p><p>“Less eye candy for your wife,” Hermione answered, “and your ears are turning red from the heat of your suit.”</p><p> </p><p>He shrugged, and lazily eased himself up to standing. “That just means it’s time to go in the water again.”</p><p> </p><p>Hermione was lying about the issue of ‘eye candy.’ Severus looked like a tall, lean black cat and she <em>loved </em>the sight of him towering over her in that skin-tight suit. It showed his boniness a bit, but also gave him a more filled-in look. He had his hair tied back for the moment, but that wouldn’t last once he was riding the waves again. He was on his fourth borrowed hair-band of the day, and she was plumb out of them now.</p><p> </p><p>But he didn’t seem to care; he picked up his rented surfboard from where it lay next to him on the sand, and with a practiced trot, he ran down to the waves, his zip pull flapping behind him like a dog’s tail. Then, as he met the water, he threw the board with a splash, hauled himself onto the board, and began to paddle out farther into the ocean.</p><p> </p><p>This was a lifelong dream, he’d confessed to her a few months ago: to learn how to surf. She’d indulged his fancy by going to the library and finding every book and video she could find on the topic on his behalf. Being the autodidact that he was, he had studied well enough that once they got their spot on the beach, he’d confidently (read: arrogantly) stalked to the rental shack, chosen the proper board and accouterments, then thrown himself headfirst into his adventure. She couldn’t recall seeing him much happier in her life, though it was definitely the kind of thing <em>she </em>had no interest in pursuing.</p><p> </p><p>The focused, determined way he rode the waves was more than enough satisfying payment for her job well done. She watched the lanky form of her husband seem to rise out of the water, then crouch and sink beneath the wave as it collapsed over him. </p><p> </p><p>No, she was more than content sitting in her chair reading, sipping sweet drinks and pretending to feel confident (read: not completely miserable) with the bit of pudge that squeezed over her bikini bottom, despite her half-arsed efforts to lose a couple stone before their wedding.</p><p> </p><p>There was a couple of German teens walking past her, and she watched as they snickered and pointed at Severus. She gave them a fierce glare, and they grimaced in the universal language of annoying stuck-up prats before moving down the beach.</p><p> </p><p>Soon enough her husband was back, thoroughly soaked and missing his most recent hair-band.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t happen to have another-” he asked, running a long-fingered hand through his hair.</p><p> </p><p>“-No, darling, I’m fresh out. Go ask your other wife.”</p><p> </p><p>He responded with a menacing grin, and she snorted.</p><p> </p><p>“Why bother with it at all?” Hermione asked, sipping her drink again. “It’ll just come out again.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t like wet hair in my eyes,” he answered,  dropping the board back onto the sand and collapsing onto the lounger.</p><p> </p><p>She giggled. “You didn’t seem to have a problem with that last night, love.”</p><p> </p><p>The double-entendre left him smoldering, but frankly, after having had nearly-nonstop sexual intercourse all the previous day, as well as this morning before brunch, Hermione wasn’t sure her cervix could take another pounding for a bit.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you know any German?” she asked, changing the subject.</p><p> </p><p>He shrugged. “Mostly Medieval, but try me.”</p><p> </p><p><em>“Das Skelett tanzt die Spritzwelle boogie,” </em>she quoted the German youths, and chuckled as he glared.</p><p> </p><p>“You know what it means?” she inquired, and Severus shook his head, clearly lying. “Severus,” she breathed in a saccharine voice, “Let’s not start out our marriage with lies, darling.”</p><p> </p><p>He snorted; this was strangely the right kind of way to manipulate him, and she adored it. Severus, in his desperation to please her, could always be convinced to do the right thing. </p><p> </p><p>“<em>The skeleton does the Splash Water Boogie</em>,” he spat, putting his sunglasses back on and taking a full swallow of his beer. His hair was beginning to clump together as it dried, and she did pity him the lack of hairband. "I suppose that's their <em>hilarious</em> way of describing <em>surfing</em>." </p><p> </p><p>She burst out laughing, the comment being funnier than she’d even dared to hope. “How dare those boys,” she tried to cover up her mirth with righteous anger,  but it was obvious she wasn’t as sympathetic as she tried to appear.</p><p> </p><p>Severus sighed and took one desperate final swig at his empty can. “I’ve been called worse by better,” he answered, clearly not bothered by his wife’s laughing at him. “Pass me the water?” he added, and she obliged his request readily.</p><p> </p><p>“They gave us more than enough beer,” she observed, though she anticipated his refusal. “It’s your honeymoon. You can afford it.”</p><p> </p><p>He swallowed, and seemed pensive. “It’s not the right choice,” he said softly, putting down the bottle and settling back on the chaise. “I already ruined one liver my last lifetime. I have no need to repeat the experiment.”</p><p> </p><p>The somber mood was disturbed by him turning and smiling at her, pulling down his glasses to stare into her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t be so glum, my treasure,” he murmured, “this is the beginning of the summertime of our lives. Let’s enjoy it.”</p><p> </p><p>So saying, he offered her his hand, and they both relaxed into a contented <em>siesta</em>, contemplating the many wonderful things their shared future might hold.</p><p> </p><hr/><p><b>The 100 +1 Life Experiences of Hermione &amp; Severus</b><b><br/></b>* = (as a married couple)</p><p> </p><ul>
<li>First time getting married - May 2nd 2004</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time fucking each other*- May 2nd 2004</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time sharing breakfast in bed* - May 3rd 2004</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time writing a list of shared life experiences  - May 3rd 2004</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time going on vacation together abroad (Majorca!) - May 3rd 2004</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time sharing a shower* - May 3rd 2004</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time going to get groceries together* - Alcudia Market. May 4th 2004 </li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time almost dying in a boat wreck because Hermione forgot her glasses at the hotel - May 5th 2004</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time making a ridiculous purchase together abroad - Inca Market, an entire garland of chili peppers (for potions <em>apparently</em>) - May 6th 2004</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time in a hot air balloon - May 7th 2004</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time going dancing together* - May 7th 2004</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time moving into a new flat together - May 10th 2004</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time getting takeaway together instead of cooking dinner - May 10th 2004</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time having guests over to new flat - May 14th 2004</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time Severus painted Hermione’s nails - May 16th 2004</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time coming home from work to each other - May 17th 2004</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time Hermione teaching Severus something of importance (how to use a computer) - May 22nd 2004</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time exchanging emails with each other - May 22nd 2004</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First pregnancy scare  - June 6th 2004</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time Hermione beat Severus’ score (on an online quiz about The West Wing) - June 18th 2004</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time baking a cake from scratch, together (for Harry’s birthday) - July 30th 2004</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First summer weekend getaway* (to Cornwall)- August 6th 2004</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time riding bicycles together - August 7th 2004</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time having finished reading a book out loud to each other - September 1st 2004</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time donating blood together - September 19th 2004</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time attending a show on the West End together - September 19th 2004 </li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time attending a costume party together - October 30th 2004</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time being incredibly sick together - December 2004</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time working on a grant together - January 2005</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time adopting a stray cat - March 2005</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time obtaining and starting a gardening plot - April 2005</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time cooking vegetables grown in our own garden - May 2005</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time riding a Gondola in Venice - August 2005</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time going on a vespa tour of Rome - August 2005</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time seeing the Sistine Chapel - August 2005</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time going ice skating - December 2005 </li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time attending The Rocky Horror Picture Show - January 9, 2006</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time attending a funeral together - Minerva McGonagall - January 30, 2006</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time making art together - February 14, 2006</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time going camping together - March 2006</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time playing laser tag - October 31st, 2006 </li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time attending a wedding together - Cho Chang and Cedric Diggory - June 11, 2006</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time going to the continent of Africa - August 2006</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time taking a safari - August 2006</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time getting matching tattoos - January 2007</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time making each other home-made gifts for Christmas - December 2007</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time going lavender picking - August 2007</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time kissing on the Eiffel Tower - August 2007</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time at a nude beach together - August 2007</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time purchasing a house together - September 2007</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time decorating our bedroom <em>exactly </em>the way we want it - October 2007</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time having a guest sleep over in a guest room - December 2007</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time making ice cream together - May 2008</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time watching a meteor shower - August 13, 2008 </li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time visiting Japan - September 2008</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time attending a filming of a television show - January 2009</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time going to New York City -  August 2009</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time spending the night in a tree house (Upstate New York) - August 2009</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First threesome (verdict: never again) - September 19th 2009</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time “skinny dipping” secretly -  Baja California - August 2010 </li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time dipping in a waterfall  - Baja California - August 2010</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time swimming with dolphins - Baja California - August 2010</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time going to South America (Peru)  - August 2010</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time climbing a Ziggurat - August 2010 </li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time attending a protest together (Anti-Austerity Movement) - March 2011 </li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time going to a hot spring together (Iceland) - June 2011</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time having a child - Victoria - November 11, 2011 </li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time taking professional photographs together - December 1st, 2011 </li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time going to see an author for a book signing - January 9, 2012 </li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First date night with a hired babysitter - March 2012</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time painting the whole house inside and out - May 2012 </li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time going bird-watching together - June 2012</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time attending the opera - August 2012</li>
<li>First time having a baby boy - Walden - September 13th, 2012 </li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time making candy in one’s own kitchen - December 2012</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time sharing a dinner on the new patio and watching the sun set - May 2013</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time playing with the hose in the backyard with the children - June 2013</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time publishing an article together - January 2014 </li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time watching the sunrise with the children - June 2014</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time building gingerbread houses together as a family - December 2014 </li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time the children gave us a puppet show - January 9, 2015</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time taking a sail-boat expedition  - June 2015</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time making a bonfire in the backyard - July 2015</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time burying a child in the sand at the beach - August 2015</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time ‘hide and seek’ with children became a near heart-attack - September 2015</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time visiting a candy factory - November 2015</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time dressing up together to attend a film premiere Star Wars: The Force Awakens (Victoria’s favorite) December 18th, 2015 </li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time flying a kite with the children - March 2016</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time rolling down a grassy hill with the children - May 2016</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time building a treehouse for the children - June 2016</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time taking the children berry-picking - July 2016</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time teaching children how to swim - June 2016</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time making a lemonade stand with the children - July 2016</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time taking the children on a nighttime nature walk - August 2016</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time stargazing as a family - August 2016</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time saving a child who climbed too high in a tree - September 2016</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First snowball fight with the children - November 2016 </li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time building a blanket fort with the children - December 2016</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time making a scavenger hunt for the children - March 2017</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>First time completing a list like this together - May 2nd, 2017</li>
</ul><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I LURV REVUUS THATS ALL I WANT U TU DUUUUUUUU PLS PLS REVUUUUUU THAT'D BE SUUUPER CUUUUUL!</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>